Would You Date a Man Who is a Porn Addict?
Ladies: Would You Date a Man Who Watches Porn?
Imagine this: you’re about to go out on your third dinner date with a charming, down-to-earth guy you met on an online dating site. You meet him up at his place because you’re driving this time, and he invites you to wait inside because he’s running late. While he’s in the bathroom, you innocently hop onto his computer to check your email. As you start typing, “hotmail.com,” in the address bar, you notice an XXX website that pops up immediately.
Your first reaction is total shock. Your stomach’s aflutter and your hands start to shake. After a few seconds, you’re seething with rage and think to yourself, “How COULD he?!”
No good man would watch porn, right?
Well, if that’s the case, then there actually aren’t plenty of fish out there, as a whopping 70% of men are said to watch porn. So, alas, there’s a good chance that those nice guys you see on online dating sites with profiles stating that they enjoy walks on the beach at sunset, spending time in the great outdoors, and writing romantic poetry also enjoy popping flicks like Shaving Private Ryan or Buffy the Vampire Layer into their DVD players on the weekend.
Why Do So Many Men Watch Porn?
For many men, porn is an escape. It’s a fantasy world where the man’s always in control and the women are hot, ready, and eager to serve. In real life, on the other hand, women demand sexual pleasure, have power in their careers, and won’t submit to a man’s every desire, whether in or out of the sack.
I consider myself more of a Hillary Clinton than a Jenna Jameson, and I’m sure many other women in my generation feel the same way. So, I guess I can see why that would make some men feel powerless and lead them to watch porn to regain self-confidence and mojo.
Another reason why many men love porn is that female porn stars epitomize our society’s beauty ideals: they have skinny bodies, flat stomachs, and unnaturally ginormous racks. Even in the thick of the moment, their hair is always in place with oodles of hairspray and their nails are painted to perfection. It’s no wonder that we ladies feel like we have to live up to unrealistic standards of beauty!
Where to Draw the Line
While I don’t encourage snooping, especially when you just start dating a fella, it wouldn’t hurt to ask if he watches porn because chances are, he does. I’d be more worried if he said no than if he said yes.
But try not to bust that question out on a first date. If you’re going to do that, you may as well find a big red stamp that says, “I’ve got ISSUES,” and press it on your forehead! Not ALL men watch porn, though statistics point out that the majority do. And you’ll be perceived as a wackadoodle if you grill a man about his web browsing behavior over your first Frappuccino together.
If you’ve been dating a guy for a while and you find out that he watches porn, keep your cool. Ask him if you can check out his porn collection, and be wary if he’s highly secretive about his habit because it might mean that he’s a major addict or that he’s watching some creepy porn that goes beyond the usual blonde bimbos in heels. If you find films in his collection that incorporate farm animals, excrement, or anything guy on guy, then tell him to hit the road, Jack, and feel grateful that you found out now and not after having two kids, building a dream home, and sharing financial assets!
What to Do If You Find out That You’re Dating a Porno ADDICT
Serious porn addiction is a red flag since it usually means that a guy is commitment phobic. Heck, the ho bags on porno flicks sleep with the mail man, the gardener, or any other guy who crosses their path, so it’s easy to see why many men grow jaded and think that they can lay their crusty moves on any girl they run into! If you find out the man you’re dating is an addict, hmmmmm… I’d say get him into counseling if you really care about him and want to stick it through. But otherwise, I’d run for the hills! Porn clouds men’s judgment and leads them to believe that women are just pieces of meat that are ready to be dominated, used, and thrown out like last night’s bath water. So, while I’m not 100% comfortable with men watching porn, I accept it. In my ideal world, my man would only want to see me in the nude, but unfortunately, it seems that the male race has inherited more animalistic instincts than us women. But I’m willing to date a man who watches porn as long as he is open about it and is willing to answer my questions.
What about you? Are you comfortable with dating men who watch porn? Where do YOU draw the line?
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July 6th, 2010 at 9:19 am
From a guys perspective:
I have almost 20gigs worth of porn on my computer. I collect porn like antiquities dealers collect fine art. All of my past girlfriends were “ok” with the fact that I have oodles and oodles of porn on my computer. It’s not that I sit there and watch it every single second of my waking day, but every now and then I like to view it.
In fact, some of my ex girlfriends were into watching it themselves.
Also, for single guys….porn in a GODSEND. It gives us inspiration and hope. It’s also better to look at porn on a Friday night than it is to go out to a bar and pick up a floozie.
As long as it doesn’t become an obsessive addiction, I see absolutely nothing wrong with guys who watch porn. Oh and btw….my “collection” is well over 5 years old.
July 6th, 2010 at 5:40 pm
Porn was a huge issue with me and my ex. It was one of the reasons we broke up. My standpoint always has been and always will be that porn is degrading to females. Not only that, but it makes normal women feel inferior because their man is looking at other women on the internet. Why would they have to look at other women if they are happy in their current relationship?
July 8th, 2010 at 11:13 pm
To be honest, if a guy has not or does not watched porn, there is something hugely restrictive about him. As much as strength, security, and charisma is attractive to women, men are visually drawn by pornography. I myself go back and forth, sometimes watch more (definitely when single or away from my partner), and sometimes am interested by none at all. My real world values lie very contrary to much porn, yet I entirely believe in fantasy, exploration, and fulfillment. We are human beings, we like things, need things from our partners, and are attracted to things that are not a real part of our lives or world even.