Top 8 First Date Conversation Tips
Top 8 First Date Conversation Tips
First dates are always nerve-wracking. We feel as if we’re supposed to fill up all of those awkward silences with mindless chatter, but yapping away without a strategy is a recipe for disaster. If you want him or her to call you back after the first date, keep these 8 first date conversation tips at the forefront of your mind.
1. Prepare five questions and memorize them
Feeling scared about your first date? That means you’re not prepared. It might sound nerdy, but memorizing a few questions before your first date will help you feel a lot more confident about it. When you and your date start to stare at the floor and twiddle your thumbs, there’s the cue to bring out your five questions and remedy the situation. To formulate good questions, check out tip #5 below.
2. Rehearse
Another great way to prepare for your first date is to rehearse. Ask one of your friends to pretend to be your first date and act out the whole scenario a few times over so it feels familiar to you by the time the real first date rolls around.
3. Feeling nervous about the awkward silences? Talk about them!
If you want that elephant in the room to go away, talk about it! Just say something like, “Isn’t it awkward when you aren’t sure what to say during a first date?” and watch the tension melt away.
4. Make eye contact
If you want your first date to remember you in a positive light, make eye contact throughout the entire date. Don’t stare at the floor, table, or your date’s family jewels; look at him or her in the face to give off a confident appearance. Maybe you avoid making eye contact because you’re shy, but believe me – people will think you’re dodgy or hiding something if you don’t look them in the eye when you talk and when they talk to you.
5. Ask open-ended questions
Please don’t ask questions like, “When’s your birthday?” or “What’s your favorite color?” on a first date. The aim of asking questions is to get to know someone on a more intimate level, not amass a ton of trivial information about them. Ask open-ended questions that require in-depth answers. You can ask your date about their travels or what books they’ve enjoyed recently to determine what makes them tick. Just avoid asking probing questions on your first date because T.M.I. = awkward.
6. Brush up on current news
When the conversation gets slow and you’ve used up all five questions in your secret arsenal, talk about current events. Even if you’re not a news buff, there’s sure to be some juicy stuff going on in the world that’ll make for great fodder during your first date conversations. Just steer clear of touchy topics like politics and religion, unless your idea of a successful first date involves dissecting your date’s political ideology.
7. Listen more than you talk
A good rule of thumb to follow is that you should talk for 40% of your date and listen for 60% of it. To show your date that you’re listening closely, paraphrase his/her statements and then ask good follow-up questions. People love to talk about themselves, so don’t butt in with your “me, me, me” talk while they’re speaking; let your dates do most of the talking and they will walk away at the end of the night with a superb impression of you.
8. Use confident body language
Stop slouching, touching your face, crossing your legs, and tapping your fingers; keep your hands to your side, sit up straight, and smile! Confident body language will go a long way in making both you and your date feel more relaxed and comfortable.
If you follow all of the above tips and there are still tumbleweeds rolling across the table and crickets chirping in the distance, don’t beat yourself up about it. Not everyone shares conversational chemistry… sometimes we just have to ask for the check, shake hands, and move on!
Okay, your turn. What has been your overall experience on first dates? Do you have any helpful first date conversation tips to share?
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July 10th, 2010 at 8:57 am
Just a personal tip from past experiences…..coffee shops can be murder in certain social situations.
If you aren’t too well versed in the art of conversation and neither is your date, going to a coffee shop on your first date could spell disaster. Think about it: having to sit across the table from someone whom you just met (and are nervous and probably attracted to, although not necessarily) and then drinking a stimulant (caffeine) could cause you to royally screw up the first “meet and greet.”
When I go out on dates, and I know for whatever reason I might get a little nervous, I avoid having a sit down conversation date. Instead, I suggest we get coffee then go for a walk along the pier or down by the shops. It keeps everything light and breezy and I don’t feel like the date is turning into an interview.
July 13th, 2010 at 12:02 am
HotGuy_SoCali
I agree. Coffee shops are not a good spot for a first date. Too quiet! The only kind of coffee shop that might be appropriate is one that has live music or poetry. Then you have something to pay attention to so you aren’t just staring at each other’s shoes.