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This past Monday night around 9pm, I get a sobbing phone call
from my girlfriend Lauren. Her boyfriend of 1-1/2 years had sent
her a text message that read:
After a few frantic text messages back and forth, it was painfully
obvious that she had been dumped….and in a rather cowardly
way I might add. She came over to my house tonight and over
a few glasses of wine, we tried to make sense of it all. I was
just as shocked as she was. Whenever I saw her and Phillip
together, they seemed like the happiest couple around.
There was no indication whatsoever that he would even be
slightly capable of pulling such a chicken-shit stunt like this.
At first I thought he was joking around but after she showed me
the entire text message conversation, I couldn’t believe my eyes.
She also showed me the 5 phone calls she tried to make to him,
that were ignored. Apparently he did not have the common decency
to accept her phone call.
This was something that completely caught her off-guard. She had
no indication whatsoever (until this conversation) that anything was
amiss. As we were going over the events of the past 3 months, she
couldn’t recall any one particular instance that would have given her
a clue as to his future intentions….until we started looking at what
I like to call:
The little things
When people first enter into a relationship, they tend to notice
things about their partner. Little quirks, whether or not he
called you last night, the last affectionate thing he did for
you…..etc. After the initial joy and excitement of a new
relationship wears on, people generally tend to become
complacent with the day to day grind. Things that you
might normally notice during the first few weeks/months
tend to get overlooked as time goes on. This is because
you have become complacent with this person, and have
allowed them to enter your comfort zone. While allowing
someone to enter into your comfort zone is perfectly natural,
it can also cause you to let down your defenses and overlook
the “little things” that might have caused you to think
otherwise about this person when you first met.
– How he acts around his guy friends vs. how he acts around you
– The sincerity of his tone of voice
– his actions matching up with his words (eg: he does what he says he will do)
etc et al
Now, by no means am I saying to bust out the Puritan costume
and go on a witch hunt because he left the toilet seat up last
night, but at the same time, keep your eyes open and your mouth
shut. No need to grill your boyfriend/girlfriend with an accusing
tone of voice because something they did doesn’t “mesh well”
with how you think they should act. This will only cause more
problems than it will solve.
Over time, if you begin to notice any of the below tell-tale signs,
keep a mental record. After a while, a picture will begin to
emerge and as the Romans used to say:
“Res Ipsa Loquitur”
Caveat: These “signs” are just that. Signs. They are not to be
taken individually, but rather as a sum of the whole. If you are
concerned that your boyfriend/girlfriend is about to break up with
you the last thing you want to do is act irrationally or foolish. What
if they were just having a bad week and all of a sudden you go off
the deep end about something they did? Now you are the one who
has instigated an issue and that is counter-productive to what you
were trying to accomplish in the first place.
After I wrote this article, and as I was spell-checking it, a huge red
flag popped into my mind, so I have decided to give you 11 signs he
is about to break up with you. Before I do so, I want you to take a
few minutes after reading this article to think about what that one last
sign could be, then scroll down to the bottom of this article for the sign
and a short explanation. Here’s a little hint: It is right under your nose.
1. A noticeable change in his behavior towards you.
For the most part, guys are creatures of habit and only change their
patterns when they are up to something new. Does his attitude towards
you seem a tad distant? Does he not make direct eye contact when
talking to you anymore? When he comes over to your place, does he
walk up to you and give you a hug or does he flop his fat ass down
on the couch to watch some t.v.?
Guys, same thing: When she walks in your front door does she
smile and give you a great big hug or does she casually stroll on
in and immediately start talking about her day? (which leads us
to the second sign)
2. Me, Me, Me.
Whenever someone wants to cease interpersonal communication
with another person (aside from not talking to them), they generally
more and more start to focus conversations on themselves. This is
so that they don’t have to make a concerted effort to maintain that
interpersonal relationship with you. In other words, they are mentally
checked out. How to tell if someone is mentally checked out of a
relationship? There is no easy answer for this one. People are
different. Sometimes he will use the word “I” instead of “we” when
talking about the two of you. Over time this can be a big indicator
that he is no longer interested in you. Look for a pattern in his
behavior that might suggest something is amiss. I would advise you
to be careful on this one though…..Psychologists have told us that
when you like someone, you tend to sometimes subconsciously emulate
different things about them. So after a few weeks of noticing your
boyfriend only talking about himself, you will find yourself having to
consciously steer the conversation away from him and back towards
you. This in and of itself can cause an issue.
3. “I don’t like the way that dress looks on you”.
What guy in his right mind would tell a girl he just started to date
that she needed to lose a few pounds? None that I know of. When
you are out shopping with him….has he suggested out of the blue
that you buy or wear a dress or shirt that you normally wouldn’t wear?
Or, does he suddenly not show an interest in how you look? This can
be a huge sign that he is no longer interested in you.
4. Gotta go, gotta go !!
In this day and age, most people are busier than they were 10-20
years ago. Cell phones, email, internet etc have opened up a whole
new realm of communication and have in many ways made our lives
easier, but at the same time these innovations have allowed us to
sometimes take on more than we can handle. This is not an excuse
for him to break date plans with you because “he is too busy”.
Staying late after work? Suddenly he is hanging out with his friends
more than he did when you first started dating? That “thing” that he
had to do early Saturday morning that wound up taking him all day?
These all can be construed as ways for him to try to start separating
himself from the relationship. Again, just because he stayed out late
one night and forgot to call you doesn’t necessarily mean he wants
out of the relationship.
5. James Bond.
Do you ever wonder if your boyfriend works for the CIA? Phone calls
that he doesn’t answer while you are in the car together….immediately
hiding his emails or whatever he is doing on the computer when you
walk by…..acting “shy” around that perky 18 year old girl who works
at the Starbucks counter?
6. Blitzkrieg !!
Fighting is sometimes an inevitable counterpart of a relationship.
But when you start to notice that the fights are getting more and
more frequent, or are about trivial matters, this might be a sign he
is on his way out. No one likes to fight, unless they want something
out of it.
7. He went from “cock-strong, a-block-long” to a “2 minute man” overnight.
I don’t know about you guys….but when I first get into a serious
committed relationship, the sex is just fantastic. Over time, it does
get to be a routine thing and there are sometimes when either partner
is just not up to it. But when you start noticing him not doing the little
things in bed that he used to do when you first started dating, this might
be a good sign he is over it.
8. Silence is golden, let us be rich.
Has the conversation ceased to be meaningful and interesting?
Are you starting to notice him only talking when it is required by
conversation etiquette? Did he used to tell you funny anecdotes
and make witty comments, now only to throw out a half-assed
reply when it is dictated? You can test this theory by asking him
one or two questions that you know that would have made for a
great conversation early on in the relationship.
9. No future talk.
Is there any talk about your future together? Has he made any
plans for you to go out on a vacation or holiday somewhere lately?
Try making plans with him for a future event and watch closely his
reaction. Does he willingly agree to go with you, or do you get a
“We’ll….let’s play it by ear” type of response?
10. “I need some alone time”
This is so painfully obvious that I am really hesitant to list it here,
but I have noticed over the years that a few of my friends have
been so blinded by their love/infatuation with another person, that
they cannot get a hint even if he hired a Barbershop Quartet to
knock on your front door and sing in unison:
“It’s over, over, overrrr !!!”.
There you have it. 10 signs your boyfriend (or girlfriend) is about to
break up with you. Again, I cannot stress how important it is that you
keep an open mind and look at these so called “signs” objectively.
People are different and as such I cannot give you specific advice
unless I know you and your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Are you ready for the ultimate sign he is about to break up with you?
11. You have the idea stuck in your head that he is about to break up with you`
Ever hear the old saying: You are what you think? If on a daily
basis, you constantly think negative thoughts, chances are negative
things will happen to you. If on the other hand you think good and
happy thoughts, chances are these things will come. The logic behind
this reasoning is simple human psychology. You are what you think.
If you think you are a rockstar, eventually you will start to act like a
rockstar in real life. The same goes for being paranoid that a guy is
about to break up with you. Unless you have hard empirical evidence
that supports this theory, you are only setting yourself up for failure.
I would advise you to think long and hard and start keeping a mental
checklist before you go off the deep end. This will wind up saving you
face as well as your mental sanity.
I wish you the best of luck !!