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Seeker of truth said:

First of all I do not think women are picky Mike D, we just know what it is that will make us happy and when it comes to anyones happiness no one should have to settle for less..

I want someone who can be a friend, lover and a companion..and can share the same interest as myself,non-smoker and drinker and has a sense of humor.. Trust is a big issue and it is not given , it is earned.

1. Your looked NOTHING like your picture on your online dating profile.

Same applies to men.. Clipped catalog photos of men and women..Do you think if they really looked that hot that they would even be online? NO…But most men fall for it..
Come on we all know there are risk you take especially when online dating..
One requirement of mine is having a web cam so I can see who I am realling talking to.. As far as you know you could be talking to the same sex.. Laughs*

3. I am not sure whether to buy you dinner or ask your hourly rate
Lets see…I dress neat and proper but when I go out on a date with a guy I am , he is looking at the chick with a short skirt and low cut blouse? Come on…

7. I just wasn’t feeling it
Most guys may not call back but what they dont understand is all a girl wants is for him to be man enough to call her at least back and tell her he is just not interested..That should be common courtesy from both sexes.No excuses….

8. Red Flags
Your wrong on 8 and 9….In my recent years of dating I can remember a few men which had professed there love for me..I slept with them and then later on down the road he dumps you for someone else , so that makes someone bad and flagged?…….
I am in my late 40s now and engaged and for you to calculate and make judgement on how many guys or girls someone has slept with in the past is wrong sorry.

Last but not least Mike…I hope that one day you realize that everyone is not perfect in this world we live in. people make mistakes but out of respect and maturity someone should at least give the other person a courtesy call and just say your not interested period.We should treat people like the way we wish to be treated .

You know the saying:
I would rather be hurt by the truth then by a lie any day..
THATS MY RULE

Karen said:

I have to agree with “Seeker of Truth”.

Nobody is perfect and men play just as many games as women do. I think the geographical area that you live in plays a part in it as well. I am located in LA and more often than not I tend to wind up dating guys that are fakes and flakes.
Cali tends to attract the best and the beautiful and for some reason if you are a female and even a slight deviation from that norm…chances are it is somewhat challenging to land a guy (in certain circumstances).

I don’t attract losers per se….just guys that are fly-by-night.

I have a few girlfriends in the Midwest and (generally speaking) guys out there tend to fare a little better in that department.

Beckie said:

Hey Mike, are you single???? I LOVED your letter! Hilarious, and dead on in way too many ways :}

Karen said:

Hey Beckie, Mike is an acquaintance of mine, yes he is currently single….would you like for me to pass along your contact info?

- K

Moi Ha Ha said:

I guess that I would question why if a woman doesn’t want to call because a guy doesn’t meet her expectations, it’s being “nit picky,” but if a man doesn’t call, it’s just “the nature of the beast.” Women are allowed to have standards, as are men. If you think women are too picky for having certain standards, then you shouldn’t maintain standards for yourself. Double standards are not so cool.

As for the “rule of 3,” does this mean that I should start lying to my partners/dates so they assume the truth rather than think the truth is a lie?

XOXO said:

Yeah, a guy really wants a lady right? You jerks don’t know what the hell you want. You say you want a lady to “cover up” or is really control? You are insecure and don’t want to lose her to another man. If you really wanted a lady, then why do look at soooo much porn and go to strip clubs. Yeah jackass what do you have to say to that?

akulatraxas said:

i am supportive for Mike;s article as i am a guy myself, but i would probably correct a bit part of his article with my own idea of being called and calling back after first date, so as to eliminate the problem of double standarding…

My advise is simple: If a girl doesnt call after the first date, so what? U know the answer of the riddle already, she is just into you, so suck up on it and move on because you are a man for a reason,so no need to whinge that the woman is being nit picky, even if they are, just let them be, its their loss for a guy as borderline good looking as you.

Same for the ladies, if your first date doesnt call you why you would be piss off and call them back and tell us guys, like Seeker of Truth are whining about, that “out of respect and maturity someone should at least give the other person a courtesy call and just say your not interested period.We should treat people like the way we wish to be treated”, this is also double standard for the ladies towards the man then, referring to Moi Ha Ha’s opinion about double standardizing.

I guess just like guys, ladies, dont pretend to be so innocent and stupid that you dont know why the guys doesnt call you and NEED to hear that with your very own ear, that they are NOT INTERESTED in you. Just ignore this tiny little thing of so called “dating ethics” and move on.

But if you still insist about the guys doing the call for you, then as per double standardizing rule, if u need a guy to call after the first date to say they are interested/not interested in you, then do the same to for the guys then, call them even tho u are not interested in him, to say that word to him. Dont wait or expected to be called by guys all the time, afterall, girls and guys are equal arent we? so it would be good to share responsibility sometimes.

Cheers!

HadIt said:

LOL, I love when men try to break down women’s behavior. They’re usually the same who have a “men vs women” mentality, like we’re all struggling with each other because we can’t possibly get along.

In reality, all men have to do is realize that women and men perfectly balance each other out in most cases, it’s our society (ruled by power-hungry men) who has thrown us out of balance. Thanks, guys.

His tips show me that these women aren’t interested in him, if this is his list. If she’s on her phone for a while, she couldn’t care less about the date. If she farts in front of you on a first date, that’s some serious “holy crap how can I get the message across?” kind of thing. Has that actually happened to you? I find it unlikely.

Also, Mike D, you don’t make much sense and seem like you’re incapable of much thought. Stop being such an asshat and just be nice. Communicate clearly with women, be a good person, don’t be a wanker, and be fair. Quit making it such a power struggle.

TheActor said:

A lot of guys are different but these rules surprisingly apply the majority of them I think.

“1. Your looked NOTHING like your picture on your online dating profile.”

My response: OK. I’ve never dated online before but if I had I’d probably agree with this.

“2. Talking on the cell-phone”

My Response: Probably one of the most annoying possible things that someone could do. Unless you’re not interested in the guy don’t do it… because it’s a huge hint that you are not interested.

“3. I am not sure whether to buy you dinner or ask your hourly rate.”

On a date my eyes don’t wander. I’m there because I want to get to know YOU better. If you are dating guys who can’t keep their eyes off of every girl they see don’t make the assumption that all men are perverts like that. Anyway, I would be very turned off if I went on a date with someone who displayed a bit too much of their skin. Turned off from the date mind you. When you show up like that I just get the hint you are looking for a one-night stand and not a serious relationship.

“5. Pull my finger…(farting)”
Hahaha, hopefully I never have to experience this.

“6. I’m feelin’ it, you facial expressions and body language show otherwise, but deep down inside, you really are. AKA: MIXED MESSAGES”

Alright, this is a huge one. It could be because i’ve dated some real divas but sometimes the mixed messaging is just ridiculous. And it’s not about my lack of guts either. I’m a very impulsive and confident person and if I get rejected from one angle i’ll come again soon from another but if i’m constantly getting shut down… I’ll give up.

“7. I just wasn’t feeling it”
I guess this means you don’t like you’re date. I’m a very honest and respectful person and in cases like these i’m upfront and I let her know that i’m not interested. Sure, it hurts. But rip it off like a bandaid. I don’t agree with this reason. You need to realize that your dates have lives too. It’s not just you. Don’t be selfish, and don’t have them waste their time waiting for a call when you never will.

“8. Red Flags”
This is a bit weird I think. I don’t LOOK for red flags… I just enjoy my date. Also, if you begin the date without any trust can you really expect it to go anywhere? I open every relationship with full respect, total trust, and complete honesty.

“9. Rule of 3″
This is probably the stupidest rule i’ve ever heard. And who talks about how many people they’ve slept while you’re still dating? That’s way soon for me and I tend to stay away from that area in general.

“10. There was a good football game on t.v. the next day and we plain forgot.”

O.K. I am a HUGE football fan. But this is selfish and shows your lack of interest in your date. If you didn’t like her enough to even remember to call her because of a football game – unless it’s the SUPERBOWL or your team’s PLAYOFF GAME (in which case, why the hell did you have a date the night before?) it is completely disrespectful to not call.

That’s my input.

not XOXO said:

XOXO,

Yea most men probably look at a lot of porn, and many go to strip clubs, but most don’t do it while out on a date.
There is some song that goes like “i want a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed”

dunno,
me

OHWutev said:

Disregard all of these comments (except mine), and ask yourselves who in the h*ll has to read an article entitied “10 reasons why I didn’t call you”??? Did it eat you up so badly that you had to research common reasons on the internet? There’s only one answer, he/she’s not that into you, PERIOD. Get over it.

OHWutev said:

HAHAHAHA like there’s something that did it for him/her, and if you hadn’t committed #1-10, the person would what…be into you still? HA! Get a life!

Karen said:

I lol’d a bit when I read “OHWutev” posts.

He/she makes a good point. GET OVER IT !!!

Here’s a little food for thought:

Q: What is the opposite of Love? (hint: It’s not hate).

A: Indifference.

If it is really and truly eating you up so bad, and you want to “get revenge”, the best “revenge” is simply indifference. Stop talking to them, stop acknowledging their existence and that action in and of itself will cut the most. I would not advice “getting revenge” but if for some reason it’s eating you up so bad that you are online looking for what to do…..simply ignore them. They do not exist in your life anymore. You are better than they are and in a few short weeks/months you will be dating someone better than the last person who dumped you.

Sandra said:

yea well u wrote this blog and i think ur a jerk whoever wrote this, u kno thats why theres so many dam single ladies out there and thats just ur opinion not all guys think like that and if they do than hell get a dictionary out and find the word pig thats what yall all are…-THE DAM BATTLEFIELD CAUSE ALL GUYS PLAY GAMES AND THE YOU KNOW WHAT???? NOW ITS OUR TURN PIGS WOMEN PLAY GAMES TOO NOW SO THANKS FOR MAKING LIFE A TAD BIT HARDER like little wayne said women lie men lie and its always going to be like that ,who started it?? MEN why? cause they are LAZY AND STUBORN AND PIGS simply said, so forget off dont even bother saying anything back to me cause i really dont givva ish.

Karen said:

Fo’ shizzle?

Elaine said:

I’d be curious to know Mike’s age–clearly not a mature man and more than a bit in love with himself. When I go out on a date I wear what suits the occasion–dinner, dancing, motorcycle riding, and what matches my personality–I do not dress for a man and I do know what it’s like to be with a man that’s busy looking up skirts and down shirts while in my presence…As for the number of partners rule–frankly I do not care how many partners a man has had–we’ve all had a history of past relationships, and it’s whats ahead that matters. Besides I’m looking for a lover not a priest and who says I’m even thinking of sleeping with YOU? Stating that all women lie is also ridiculous, men don’t embellish the facts? Hide the truth? Withold key information? Pleeese….all men lie, and do it with ease.

Will said:

I read Mike’s article and I am probably sure his top 10 list was of multiple dates he has been on not just one. For me why I wouldn’t call a girl back after the first date whould probably be just lack of chemistry (just wasn’t feeling it). I am not into the one night stands. Hooking up is the easy part its finding a relationship and keeping it going is the hard part. So with that said I will comment on Mike’s red flags. This is big for a guy and I can tell you that I give women a lot of leadway with this. I will list some red flags that I have encountered recently.

1. A woman with kids and not divorced yet but wants a serious relationship. How can you have a serious relationship if you are still married.

2. A woman who knows everything that a relationship needs to work but her longest one has been 7 mo and shes 32. Theres a reason why you can’t keep a guy for more than 7 mo.

3. Throw yourselves at a guy. Saying you want to f me within 5 min is a turnoff to me.

4. The woman who is highly opinionated. Sometimes you have to realize what you say before you say it.

5. The woman who tells her life story after a couple of cocktails.

6. Not saying enough. (too shy). Open up a little and it goes along way.

7. The woman that tells you she is crazy literally within a couple of dates on this one.

8. Low self esteem.

I could go on and my main reason for saying this is because the dating scene has changed alot. I am in my 30s and things are not like they were. I am sure there are many women on here that have encountered the same as me but with men. So basically, I understand why men and women have become pickier. I have. And when you are in your 30s you know what you want and what you are willing to accept. So for all of you who are single out there I wish you luck and for the ones who are in a relationship remember communication, compromise and honesty go along way.

yyy said:

I don’t think women have any problem with men not calling. Women have a problem with men SAYING they’ll call and not calling.

It’s a very simple concept, yet very few men get it. Very few women get it. It’s like people get a kick out of making fake promises. There is no reason for this list of reasons. I don’t really care why men called or didn’t call. I don’t like to waste time thinking about it, I have other sources of entertainment. The only thing I care about is that men do what they say they’ll do.

Considering that men think they’re the most “direct” gender, it’s kind of ironic how few men actually do what they say they’ll do.

Next time, just don’t promise the woman you’ll call. She’ll appreciate it. And there will be no need for this list of reasons/excuses/explanations. Noone cares about these explanations.

thecommoner said:

I guess I could comment on mikes opinions, however I don’t think I want to, nor do I want to comment on anyone else’s. I didn’t come to this website because someone was not calling me back I happened by it in accident. Anyway I read the whole thing and I came to a conclusion of my own, its my opinion and I think what you all said just says one thing, that the battle of the sexes has not ended and it does not seem to be ending anytime soon earthier.

h said:

i so agree with xoxo. tons of boys i meet are (even if they got a gf) looking at porn, staring at other girls bottoms and chests. i also want to ask do u know how worried the girl nomaly gets when she knows that most boys on regular basis there checking out other girls even though their going out with the girl right next to them? or that for no apparent reason the boy might leave her? i’ve been suporting my friends and over half of them are heart broken because they go out with the guy he dont even say hes not interested then bam noraly they found the guy making out with some other girl some where then they are so hurt they cry and cry. i know it worries me to death im gonna lose the one i love. he says he wont leave but some times i just worry. at least i have to say he was brave enough to call me to tell me he wants to continue dating me after the first date. and even if he would have called to say he didnt want to keep dating me i still would have been happy to know that i now the truth and not a lie.

h said:

oh and i forgot to add this, IF THE GUY REALLY LIKED THE GIRL THEY WOULDNT FORGET TO CALL CUZ OF A STUPID FOOTBALL GAME!!! im sorry but really a freakin football game is more importen then your girl. wow thats sad that really is.

h said:

i all so forgot to say that i also agree with Elaine. not all women lie, i know way to many boys who lie and i dont call boys men because normaly there very imature, and they do lie with ease

h said:

oh and one more thing sbout boys and their porn habits. wat would u think about ur girl if she did stuff like that? wouldnt u worry/think that they think ur not good enough for them. i know id feel like that, i mean really if a guy sits there a looks at porn think, guys, the message it would give ur gf.

Nancy said:

the rule of 3. : why do people want to know with how many the other one slept with. who cares. is best not to know and start fresh..why torture your self. when someone asks me how may guys I have slept with it bothers me and I tell him “do you want me to investigate your past life and make hell of this relationship? and of course He says no right away, because I am sure He has things he does not want to share.. so then I tell him to leave it alone.. Just like Mike said I am curious to know but I rather not know at all..If I ask please be polite and tell me is best not to hurt each other with stupid conversations… all it matters is us and only us, you bring other poeple in it does no look good at all…
Most of the guys just want sex. they get it then they disapear because they don’t want a serious relationship but they do not have the balls to say it..that is what makes women mad. ..not becuase He does not want serious relationship but because He was not man enough to be honest.

Help me understand men then! said:

Well, I find this very interesting especially the comments. I haven’t been in a long term relationship for about 5 years, it ended badly with a barring order on him!!! Anyway I suddenly found myself 35 years old, my friends all married with babies, not that I want babies. Anyway I went onto a dating site and met a nice local man, we swapped numbers after long emails for about a month and then we chatted many many times and text messages. He was very keen so we arranged a date, he thought I was gorgeous, he was very nervous, actually physically shaking. We got on very well indeed, more that I thought to be honest. Anyway, after the date, we arranged a 2nd date, texts and phone call still going strong, an hour before the date, he cancelled saying he was too tired and would I mind meeting the following night. Then he texts me later on in the night, he is out with mates (he is 31 yrs) and asked could he come round!!!! I said no way. So to end a long story, we ended up arrange 4, 2nd dates which he cancelled. He says he is really keen, doesnt want to get hurt and rush into anything and even questioned my interest in him. He says he is likes me alot but I am finding it impossible to get a 2nd date from this man, so much so I have given up and told him to decide what he wanted as I won’t normally put up with cancelled dates ever!! Is it so hard for him to make an effort or no matter what he says about how much he is keen etc, he is just not that into me????? I will never understand men, perhaps someone can please help?

Chris

Help me understand men then! said:

My title should be help me understand men!! sorry about the misspelling its late here in England!!!

Eliot said:

These articles crack me up… only clicked here on a lark BUT after reading some of Mike’s advice and the comments just had to add my 2 cents to the women out there. From my years of experience, and waiting tables/bar all thru school I’ve seen so many dates, both successful & pitiful failures… it’s hilarious.

NO ONE IS GOING TO CALL BACK IF THEY DON’T FEEL “GOOD” AFTER MEETING YOU! If I meet someone that ends up being a complete tard by the appetizer, my only objective from then on is to HAVE FUN… Thus:

* If one of you farts – HAVE FUN WITH IT (ask why the other didn’t follow suit!)

* Showing too much skin/pants too tight? – HAVE FUN WITH IT (make jokes ab it making you too uncomfortable, or horny, or start losing spare change down there…)

* No call back? – HAVE FUN WITH IT! (call them posing as dating journalist w/thanks & some friendly “input” on common errors they made during date)

* Rule of 3 on a 1st date? Mike you’re obviously whore and this is a post for frat/college kids… – BUT if they ask HAVE FUN WITH IT! (act shocked, then get specific. Do they want oral sex? anal? do 3-ways count double? how do orgys figure in? does the shocker while cheerleading count? LOL)

I’m in my 30s now, and want to remind you ladies of one biochemical difference men have from women. This is NO EXCUSE mind you, however ALL college-aged men are still going thru the angst of having hormones so out of control they literally explode due to their backed up sperm w/out regular release. I think porn, constant jerking off, glancing at T&A, belief that some “men only want one thing”, can all be explained by this fact.

If you really are the WISER sex, keep these instincts in mind before you judge some of the a-holes you meet so harshly…

jamie said:

A women should always be truthful about the number of men she has been with… I know I am and always have been… But then I have nothing to be ashamed about.. But i dont understand why a women would “LYE” about how many sex partners she has had… and why a man would multiply her answer by three… ha,, thats harsh.. lol

chuck said:

karen you really kno how 2 lie and lie what a joke you cant seek the truth you never tell it

ashley said:

I think all the rules and reasons and “red flags” are stupid. Everyone looks for something different in the opposite sex. Be yourself on a date and if the other person is into that.. great. If not, it wasn’t meant to be. Don’t spend your time trying to avoid these reasons and “red flags”. Because then you are not being yourself, and a relationship doesn’t work if one or both people are trying to be something they’re not. Do what makes you happy and find someone who is happy with you like that. Period.

lida said:

I would like to date mike!

diabz said:

I find it hard to believe that any (well, pretty much any) of the comments above have been written by people who have gone through puberty. Grow up you schmucks.

HotGuy_SoCali said:

I know you are, but what am I?

:P

Autumn said:

It all sounded reasonable until the “Rule of 3″. I don’t agree with that in the slightest. If someone asks 8 always tell them the exact truth. I never trim it down a few, or by one even. But, if someone asks, I answer, and I am no longer interested in them. If he cares what happened before him, then that is a jealous prick, and I would be asking for nothing but trouble being with him. Especially if he goes by this stupid “Rule of 3″.

Bombchell said:

hmmm guess I’m the only one fascinated with what ever happened between Beckie & Mike.

to anyone curious, Beckie commented on this a yr ago about Mike & Karen offered to send the info.

Elise Renee Gingerich said:

I am a 38 year old single white female living in the state of Kansas in a sweet little college town called Lawrence Kansas which really Is a sweet little college town by the way so Anyways way back in Early 2007 I called into this Kansas City telephone date line and I was just listening to All of the Dumb messages because That’s what telephone datelines are They are stupid places where stupid idiots like me go to and I do often times Feel like I am a Stupid idiot yes I do so Anyways I’m sitting there listening to All of the Other stupid idiots messages and then suddenly and then Suddenly in a nutshell this one man whom I will call Anthony whatever His name was came online into My message box and He started rambling on and on about nothing really and Damnit in hind sight in Hind Sight I should have just Hung Up the Damned telephone right then and there there and then but Anyways in a nutshell I let Him come over to My place on the then Southwest side of Lawrence Kansas because He said No to Me comming over to His place and vice versus of All said so then I Slept with Him and well You All know the rest and for the Last few years I’ve decided to Stupidly let Myself go Crazy over this Loser and the thing is I have No idea Who He really was or is is or was go figure If He was or is is or was anybody or anyone anyone or anybody at All Other people have said to Me you should just freaking Stop torturing Yourself girl Oh why do I do This to Myself thing is if I had met Him in another setting Would I have even Bothered saying hello to Him I doubt It I really Doubt It gawd I’m so Stupid yes I am yes I am I’m so Stupid with Men and Dating Dating and Men grrrr everyone and everybody everybody and everyone Don’t Date Him if He comes around your ways If He comes around Your ways Don’t Date Him He is nothing more than a Trouble maker He is nothing more than a trouble maker He is He is He said He is about 5 foot 9 at about 160 pounds with black and or auburn brown hair and or brown and or hazel eyes and That’s All I really can recall about Him so just Watch Out for Him just watch out for him people Okay okay
and Thank You elise renee gingerich Over and Out

blank said:

hey i got a question i went on a date with a guy about a week ago everything was good he said he had a great time and he kept asking me if i like him and he deff wants to hangout again!..and text me to make sure i got home safe..so now 6days went by and i heard nothing from him any ideas?

Just me said:

For all those picky women out there, read Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
By Lori Gottlieb
Horrible title…but excellent book about why so many great women in their 30′s and 40′s can never find a man that is “good enough” because we are unrealistically looking for perfect men. Who among us women are perfect? We need to stop just looking at the superficial and date men that would make good husbands and fathers instead of men who are players looking just for some action.

Bella said:

Mike D, you get a HD.

Rebekkah said:

LADIES — No one likes rejection and it stings a bit, especially if you like him. However, I think if he hasn’t called you back… you should be thankful. God has a plan for you and knows what’s best for you. There are scriptuesall over the Bible showing that God created us not to be alone, but for companionship. Put Him in the driver’s seat and let Him prove toyou that He loves you and has great things store. He’s a God that is personal and on-point.

If you want… pray this little prayer. I dare you!!

“Lord Jesus, I need you in my life. Please take the lead and bring me to the place where I belong. Open my eyes and show me what I need to do. You promised me that no matter how far away I am, if I turn to you, you will welcome me with open arms. I look to you right now. I repent of all my sins. Make something beautiful with my life. Thank you for loving me and giving you all. In Jesus’ name, Amen!”

lilly said:

i went for a date last sunday. he came from town x to my town and stayed overnight. we had – his words – fantastic time,said we should do it again and asked ME to call him which I did but after 2 days. I have not heard from him at all and it has been a few days since then. I would understand rejection if it was not for a few facts – unless I am a complete idiot and cannot read people’s behaviour and signs, we laughed a lot, had seriously interesting conversation, not a moment of silence, it was like a flow of sentences that never got “stuck”. basically, for me it was a perfect date. Now, why did not he call? I do not know especially because he in that case sent incredibly mixed signals, if hewas not into me the date would not last 7 hours and I would not hear his excited – we must do it again….weird or just normal?

Karen said:

Sometimes guys are just lying dogs. Maybe he just wasn’t feeling it for whatever reason but didn’t know how to let you down. Maybe he met another girl in the meantime and found more in common….maybe he’s just super busy?

In any case, it’s best to forget about him and move on. You will find the right person that you are looking for.

lilly said:

true, best to forget. the problem is that he was given second chance and has wasted it soooo badly…it all just does not add up ….and if it does not add up then he obviously has a problem!

Thank you for your help Karen. I feel a bit better already.

Kid said:

Well I think that when a guy dosnt call you back it means that he dosnt like you not cause he lost his phone but I think that they should call even if they don’t like you they should at least tell you that it won’t work out so then you arnt wasting your time on stupid websites like this and I would not mind if you just came out and told be that you don’t like me at least you would know!!!!

Shannon said:

You sound like a real douchebag. I mean, seriously….what normal, manly guy is going to be blogging about “dating”!? No wonder you’re single. You won’t call a woman if she doesn’t give “signals”….what a wimp!!!! Get over yourself.

Bill said:

I know this might be a little late considering the date this was posted, but after reading Mike’s 10 reasons and the replies women gave I just felt inclined to reply back.

You have to first realize that Mike (as a men) was not mixing a lot of emotions when listing the 10 reasons; The women were. Obviously if you are reading this, than it means you got hurt/stood up by a men some time or another; but remember, GENERALIZING is bad! Not all men are bad and not all women are trash; Sure I have friends who are complete jerks and lie their ass of on a date just to have sex, but I also have friends who are “sweet hearts” and truly respect women. I am in my college years, and the biggest problem I see with girls is their choice in men. Every single men can make himself buff and good looking (to a degree) if he wanted to; If you as a woman fall for the toned muscles and charms of a Frat boy,you deserve to get stood up on a second date. You are as shallow as the frat guy is. As I approach my last year, most of my friends who are women in sororities tell me that they wish that someone told them to avoid all Frat guys.

Its the same thing out in the real world. Your high expectations are mostly superficial and non-achievable (Beautiful looking, toned, rich, nice car, big house…) so the first guy who has a nice car, and good looks, you accept to go on a date.

My girlfriend that I have now I expect to be together for a long time and possibly even thing of marriage if it lasts a long time. But the thing is that when me and her started dating, we held no expectations of each other; we found a common interest (long lost friendship) and started developing from there. I didn’t go on a date with her because she was hot, rich, nice car (actually she doesn’t even drive), or anything like that, but because she showed genuine interest in me and I did the same.

The whole “play hard to get and she/he’ll call you back” is a high school thing that doesn’t work so well afterwards. You have to remember that people start valuing themselves more when they don’t have to fake attributes to make friends. i.e. when you are 25 and have to pay your own bills.

So following that logic, if a girl doesn’t show interest in me during our date (plays hard to get), (flirts with other guys IN THE FIRST DATE), I already decide to leave it up to her to call me. This is because she has shown me that she is more interested in making me her lap dog than actually developing a friendship/relationship.

Again, we as men realize that in reality that is not what you women desire (to push us away), but it is what happens. It may be how you grew up with your friends. I do realize that when girls are young, men are all over them; and they tend to develop a ego that their “tool” is a gold mine; so they develop an attitude towards first impressions with men.

In all honesty, if I was 18, that would have worked on me. I would have called you back. But again, I value my self more now. In a way, men reverse the ‘game’ as we get older. We tend to put more value to personality and “fun” than the idea that your “tool” is the only one in 1000 miles.

I did my best not to be sexist ladies :) Actually, I grew up outside of the US, where teenage boys and girls both act similarly (Dress nice, go out clubbing, play hard to get) thats why I say that friends do influence your attitudes towards the opposite sex.

I tried my best no to be sexist ladies :) I think I did a good job.

My advice: We know women are not a mythological beast with seven heads; So keep that in mind if we don’t call back. Give us a call, talk with us on the phone for a while (show us that you too are interested).

And last, something that Mike pointed out that is very important, is that men can be shy. Actually, all men are shy to some degree. When you don’t call back, wanting to or not, we end up thinking if we failed to impress and stuff like that.

So please, if we don’t call, call back. (we love it when you show us you like us)

Fatima said:

I have a guy who i want to married but the problem is from his parent and sister, and anytime i call him he will not pick my calls, and letter in the day he will call back and said he is not around to pick, why are my like that, all what they want is sex. And again they lie when they saw their sugar mummy why i say so is when i went out with him he ask me to tell the woman that am his sister not his wife why are they like. Please i want to know trully if he love me or he want to cheat on me

Scott said:

I’m taking this in a little different direction by asking would it be too much trouble to at least send an email after a first date that left you with a gut feeling that there’s no future? I try to be unbiased and fair but have to admit, I agree with several reasons the author brings up – especially in this world of online dating and cell phones (texting during a date that I’m paying for? RUDE!). But I’m sure a post from the women’s side could have “top 20 reasons” against us guys. In the end, if you’re a guy of integrity…at least send the girl an email thanking her for her time and politely letting her know it wasn’t a match. I suppose if we were all more courteous both sides would be less jaded and more patient went it comes to dating.

Tristonsmith said:

Look at all these mad women, you hit a nerve with this. Men with standards? How dare we.

Kimberly Dick said:

Mike, this isnt a comment, but rather a question I’m really needing some kind of an answer to. This guy I knew back in school found me on facebook and we started talking. We talked for three weeks inboxing eachother , he works three weeks out on an oil rig then hes home for three weeks. He asked me to go to dinner with him and I did like a week later. Before our date when he got home he couldnt wait to see me he had seen my profile pic and said I hadnt changed. I do still look the same as I did in high school, everyone tells me this. We talked every single day till our date, he flirted, said he his dream would be a fantisy of our date. Now I am seperated and getting divorced, but that had nothing to do with him and he knew this from the beginning and it wasnt a problem. Our date was amazing, it was all I hoped it would be, there was no question that he liked me and there would be other dates. He did tell me I was hard to read and then said he knows Im interested,but… so I leaned and gave him a kiss and smiled at him and he smiled back with a very pleased look. This was not the first kiss of the night he kissed me first. We were really into eachother and he asked quickly are you ready to go? We went out in the parking lot where our cars were and he walked me to mine and stood by for 10 minutes saying good bye and kissing. He said he wanted to ask me back to his place but he would have to take a rain check on that( I didnt understand that comment), but I told him that I wouldnt anyway. He wanted to know why and I said I had to give him something to look forward to. If I hadnt text him the next day to tell him I was thinking of him, and he text me back and said what am I thinking about? I told him I was thinking I wanted to see him again, but he didnt reply to that. I had also left my cell phone in his truck and he brought it to me the next night, he said he was at his sisters house and would meet, but he barley stopped his truck and he was outta there. I dont hardly ever hear from him anymore unless I text him. I sent him one text and reminded him of the comment he made about me being hard to read, and telling him he was extremely hard to read hoping that would get him to give me some sort of explanation to his wierd behavior since our date, but all he said was. “I know, I keep it that way”. I told him that wasnt fair and he just said, Oh yeah… Im stumped please help me with some kind of advice or reason why he would do this. I mean is he playing hard to get or is he just not interested? From the way our date went I just cant believe that hes not interested. By the way he is acting now if I hadnt contacted him the next day or left my cell phone in his truck I probably wouldnt have seen or talked to him since. he rarely ever texts me anymore and when he does its just to ask if I had a good day or something like that. He never says anything about our date or even hints anymore that he wants to see me. Please help me because Im new to this dating again and Im not liking it. Sorry for the long letter,but I wanted you to know all the details. Did he really like me and hes scared that Im going to go back to my ex, because I assured him that wasnt going to happen and he didnt act like he was worried about it. HELP ME PLEASE

KatieR said:

The plain and simple truth is that Men really are from Mars, and women really are from Venus. No matter what, we will always perceive things differently when it comes to the issue of why we lack understanding in each others shoes. A big factor of the way men react to a woman, is based upon the way he was raised. As where women, (not girls) react based upon their own intuition and personal knowledge or experience. Especially in today’s day and age, where women are becoming uncontrollably independent. Women are fighting more now, for what they believe, resulting with the confidence to fully expand their educations, completely support themselves with their own incomes, and even raise children totally alone. So while all this is happening, the men are probably wondering, “if she doesn’t need me, why should I be in a hurry to grow up?”
Thus bringing us back to men, and the way that they think..
as for Mikes post, # 5, if women should be expected to act like a lady at all times, I think it fair only to say thus that a men should be inquired of the same, and have the balls to speak their minds, thus leading me to # 7, In my opinion, no “after-date” call should have to even be made. Your on the date, you see the person, you communicate with them, if you don’t like what you see, say it! I would rather a guy tell me his honest opinion right on the spot, than waste any more of my time. As I would do the exact same. It’s one of those situations that people say make them uncomfortable, or feel guilty over afterwards, but in the end, it’s the best, and most honest thing to do. Like I said, anything other, would be a waste of both of your time. And I agree with Seeker of truth on # 3, that men are a bit more expecting in the looks department. A date is called a date for a reason, it’s a specially marked occasion. So in theory, it’s tradition to dress nicer than usual. Men usually tend to have trouble grasping that concept. Which is understandable, until they deliver us women with their (what i like to call, “snap-shot judgements.” A real man doesn’t want a girl to show up on a date in a church dress, or knitted vest her grandmother made her. He wants her to look nice. this is how he will determine whether or not she is a good asset for him. but at the same time, if a younger, or more attractive woman happens to sweep by, one quick little glance at her ass or boobs never hurt anyone right? Wrong! Basically, men are idiots. It’s plain and simple. women are naive and conceited.

Nikki said:

I’m a considerate, attractive, confident woman with goals and I want what I want. So when I see a man that I am attracted to I will approach him- if for any reason he doesn’t like me thats fine and dandy.
Now I met a man the other night and we had amazing chemistry, went home with him slept with him (or as best we could- lil too excited if ya know what I mean), but I could care less I liked him a lot and I never make things akward. The next morning he asks’ for MY number and I take his.
Haven’t heard from him in 3 days. I texted him after 2 days. Now I dont play games- because you either like me and will call me back or you don’t like me and you won’t call back, but at least text me back saying your just not into me or that your “Busy”. I asked him out and risked my neck and he doesn’t call ME back. Plus he held my hand and I never do that until I really know someone intimately, not that I didn’t like it, its just mixed signals. Classic male. Sorry guys your just as confusing as we are!!!!

chris said:

Listen ladies… If I guy is not really that into you but realizes he should at least finish the date, he WILL SAY ANYTHING he needs to to make you think your special and blah blah blah to get you in the sac. My own brother even told me so. Guys will do and say anything to get a piece of ass. Don’t kid yourself.

Jez said:

To Nikki: I’ve noticed the more a girl does with a guy on the first date/first night together, the more likely the girl will be more attached than the guy. It’s like guys will be less inclined to date someone they’ve already been physically intimate with, while a woman will more likely be more interested in a man after she’s slept with him. There’s no winning :(

Lydia said:

Hmm. Usually it’s the guy dumping me… and I’m the one asking the men out. I’m a former model, and I have a doctorate degree, I should get hit on all the time, but I don’t. It’s weird, I’m always the one chasing men, and they have no interest. Oh well?

Nadia said:

I have one thing to say then why do guys always say oh i’m having an amazing time with you, say i’m so beautiful and funny, say they will call and want to see me again and even kiss me passionately goodnight and then not call? sorry but if that is not playing silly mind games then I don’t know what is sorry but that’s pathetic I would rather a man be upfront say i’m not what they are looking for…I do to them.

I at least have the courtesy to say so …albeit if I met them online or otherwise it called good manners not stringing your date along! I dress well, i’ve my own home, i’m doing a degree i’m always told i’m stunning, funny, talented…. sorry I can’t be that revolting to go out with but I know i’m far from perfect but guys seriously man up! or men are just too picky and like serial dating to boost their ego!

Burned said:

Sometimes it’s the other way around. Sometimes the girl just wants sex but no relationship…hey, I’m sorry people, but giving so much of yourself without the other person wanting a relationship is far too great an investment.

Kennedybaj said:

I can’t believe the comments on here. The comments on this thread makes women sound very selfish and one dimensional.

When men talk about love, it isn’t this one directional road that drives us to one person like some stupid kiddie romance novel. NO, when men talk about love it is a two-directional road that gives and takes. It is the power of two. It is two people expressing equal interest for each other.

So, if he said you were wonderful and didn’t call you back. He didn’t LEAD you on, YOU didn’t clearly show your equal interest and therefor are not worth wasting the time to call back.

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