Wow, I had no idea how much buzz my last dating advice article generated. I was flooded with well over 250 emails, some good, some bad. It seems as if a good majority of the women agreed with more than a few of my pet peeves, and some of the guys as well. Some of the replies broke my article down, point by point. While I appreciate the thoroughness of these types of emails, they really didn’t speak to my particular and “off” sense of humor…
This is why I give you: Mike D.
Mike sent me an email complaining about how “women nowadays are too picky and have unrealistic expectations of the men they are looking for”. His email was long, and at times ranting. For some strange reason his email made me stop and question myself for a minute: “Do I as a female, have unrealistic expectations of the men that I date?”
Do females in this day and age have unrealistic expectations of the men we date as compared to how it was when our parents were dating? My mom once told me that “back in the day”, a “fella” would walk over to a girl in a poodle skirt and ask her out to an ice cream social. Two months later, BAM. Married with 10 kids, a job in the Aerospace industry and a Brady Bunch station wagon…… If some random guy walked up to me in the street and asked me if I “wanted to go get a hot fudge sunday”, I would probably kick him square in the family jewels and call the cops.
What has become of society?
Why have we become a society that places so must distrust in strangers? What happened to the good old days when you knew the names of everyone on your block and society overall seemed like a nicer place to be? I am 30 years old (give or take a year or two….mostly “take”) and old enough to remember part of the 70’s and how things were different back then. Are other 30 year olds out there experiencing the same things I am? What is your take on all of this?
While I pontificate further on the above pontifications, I would like to reprint part of the email (with his permission) that Mike sent to me. He did his own “top 10″ list and dared me to reprint it.
Here ya go Mike:
————————————————————————–
….to the girl who made the “top 10 reasons why I won’t call a guy back after the first date” post, I just wanted to say that I think you are being nit picky and unrealistic. There is a reason why women like you can’t get a date….you fly off the handle at the smallest things and wind up going off the deep end for no reason at all. So I was a few minutes late for a date…is that any reason for you to not call me back? Let’s talk about the things that females do that make guys not want to call them back after the first date:
1. Your looked NOTHING like your picture on your online dating profile.
If the girl has some sort of weird camera angle in her online dating pictures, guys: turn and run. There is usually a good reason why a girls pictures look like Pablo Picasso arose from the dead, bought a cheap $25 digital camera and decided to experiment with photography. I am not trying to be mean here, it’s just that everyone in life has different preferences in the opposite sex. As cheap and shallow as it may seem, I want to have a fairly good idea of what you look like before we go out. Still think I’m being mean? Look at it this way: If you were in line behind me at the grocery store and we made eye contact and you found yourself not physically attracted to me, would you be inclined to carry on a conversation with me and give me your phone number at the end? It works both ways, sweetheart.
2. Yack yack yack
Is there anything more rude than answering your cell phone and yacking away with your girlfriend while out on a date? I understand if your Aunt Martha fell down a flight of stairs and forget to recharge the batteries in her life-alert bracelet and she just happened to be carrying her new iPhone in her pocket with your number on speed dial….I really do. But when your girlfriend calls you in the middle of our date and you start blabbing away about what you did last night for more than 5 minutes, I find myself slowly reaching into my pocket to fake a phone call from my Uncle John who happened to fall down a flight of stairs with his discharged life-alert bracelet and his new iPhone…
3. I am not sure whether to buy you dinner or ask your hourly rate.
I realize you may have certain “assets” on your body. Most women do. And being a guy, I do like eye candy. But if I am looking for a potential relationship out of you….there is nothing that will make me turn tail and run than if you come dressed with your boobs half hanging out in a short miniskirt and flirt with every guy that you see. (prolonged eye contact with other males does indeed constitute “flirting”). I realize that I may have broken the “guy code” here by telling women to cover up, but it is not what it seems. When guys (at least me and my friends) are looking for a potential relationship with a female we are interested in, we want to know (or at least think) that our girl is as pure as the driven snow when she is out in public.
4. Say you, Say me, Say it for always, that’s the way it should be…
If during the course of normal conversation the lyrics to the above Lionel Richie song start popping into my mind, I find myself looking for any excuse to end the date. I am not a male model, but I do realize that some women find me pretty attractive/borderline “good looking”. If while talking to me your eye gaze starts suggesting that I should don a 1980’s JerryCurl and neon Miami Vice overcoat and get down on my knees and start singing you a ballad, I’m outta there man. Read this article and hit “crtl” “f” on your keyboard and enter in “eye contact” to take you to the part of the article that dictates how proper eye contact should happen. Great, now I got that stupid song stuck in my head.
5. Pull my finger…
I am sorry, I realize that ladies do act like ladies most all of the time. But if you accidentally “let one go” and it is audible enough to ring the bell on the church 5 miles away….that just killed it. I realize that accidents do happen, but…..still. You might be able to salvage the date if there is a dog nearby and you deftly try to blame it on the dog. I am a big 3 Stooges fan, so the comedic value just might outweigh the shock value. A perfectly executed “Curly Shuffle” afterwards will result in bonus points.
6. I’m feelin’ it, you facial expressions and body language show otherwise, but deep down inside, you really are.
Guys are not mind readers. When I go out on a first date with a girl, I am a little bit nervous. Even though I can cover it up really well, I am most likely walking on broken eggshells until I find that comfort zone. During the course of the date I try to watch a girl’s facial expressions and body language to get a guage on whether or not I might get rejected if I ask her out on a second date. If I am not getting any perceivable signs that she is interested, chances are I won’t call you back or write you another email. I hate getting rejected and probably most guys do too. I have had more than a few girls call me back after I neglected to call them back after the first date, telling me how big of an “a-hole” I was for “leading them on”. Well if they had shown me some sign (any sign !!) that they were in the least bit interested in me, then I would have. Guys fear rejection too, ladies.
7. I just wasn’t feeling it
I really can’t break this one down any further. I am sure this goes both-ways without saying. If I am “not feeling it”, I will not lead you on, and you will know that it just isn’t happening for me. I would only hope that you have the same courtesy to do that to me instead of leading me on.
8. Red Flags
I am writing this “top 10″ list from the perspective of a guy who is looking for a relationship. If I was looking for anything else, I would probably not be as picky. I look for little “red flags” in women that suggest certain things/traits that I am not looking for. It’s a scientific fact that some women lie. I don’t know why this is, nor do I know the name of the scientist that made this incredible discovery. You will have to trust me on this one. So when I am out on a date, I purposely ask carefully worded questions during the course of normal conversation. If something isn’t adding up, I will slowly but surely zone in on the area that I don’t like, which brings us to reason #9:
9. Rule of 3
I am probably going to get shot by the “man counsel” for giving out this little gem, but a general rule of thumb (intelligent discretion must be applied) is that you take the amount of men that a girl says she has slept with, and multiply it by 3. I realize that there may be other formulas for this one….but my hippie community college professor once told me to stick with the rule of 3. Why am I telling you this? Because when I am looking for a relationship with a girl, I don’t want to know how many men you slept with (but i do). Does this make sense to you ladies? If not, then my work here is done.
We now come to the final (and most important) reason why men never call women back after the first date. This will undoubtably go down in history and will make me untold millions of dollars and I will be featured on Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer.
The last and most important reason why men don’t call women back after the first date:
10. There was a good football game on t.v. the next day and we plain forgot.
To the author/owner of this website, I can only give you one piece of advice here. You need to lower your standards, sweetheart.
To all the women who are wondering why a guy never called them back, I have just one piece of advice: FORGET ABOUT IT. There is a reason (be it good/bad or otherwise) why the guy didn’t call you back. Maybe he didn’t like you, maybe he did like you and is too shy to call you back, maybe he lost his cellphone that had your number on it. Whatever the reason, he isn’t calling you back. Get over it and move on. There are WAY too many proverbial fish in the sea to get all worried and bent out of shape because a guy didn’t call you back. I can’t even begin to count how many women in my life haven’t called me back. It’s just the name of the dating game and the nature of the beast. Cry yourself a river then build a bridge and get over it.
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Seeker of truth // Sep 3, 2009 at 2:50 pm
First of all I do not think women are picky Mike D, we just know what it is that will make us happy and when it comes to anyones happiness no one should have to settle for less..
I want someone who can be a friend, lover and a companion..and can share the same interest as myself,non-smoker and drinker and has a sense of humor.. Trust is a big issue and it is not given , it is earned.
1. Your looked NOTHING like your picture on your online dating profile.
Same applies to men.. Clipped catalog photos of men and women..Do you think if they really looked that hot that they would even be online? NO…But most men fall for it..
Come on we all know there are risk you take especially when online dating..
One requirement of mine is having a web cam so I can see who I am realling talking to.. As far as you know you could be talking to the same sex.. Laughs*
3. I am not sure whether to buy you dinner or ask your hourly rate
Lets see…I dress neat and proper but when I go out on a date with a guy I am , he is looking at the chick with a short skirt and low cut blouse? Come on…
7. I just wasn’t feeling it
Most guys may not call back but what they dont understand is all a girl wants is for him to be man enough to call her at least back and tell her he is just not interested..That should be common courtesy from both sexes.No excuses….
8. Red Flags
Your wrong on 8 and 9….In my recent years of dating I can remember a few men which had professed there love for me..I slept with them and then later on down the road he dumps you for someone else , so that makes someone bad and flagged?…….
I am in my late 40s now and engaged and for you to calculate and make judgement on how many guys or girls someone has slept with in the past is wrong sorry.
Last but not least Mike…I hope that one day you realize that everyone is not perfect in this world we live in. people make mistakes but out of respect and maturity someone should at least give the other person a courtesy call and just say your not interested period.We should treat people like the way we wish to be treated .
You know the saying:
I would rather be hurt by the truth then by a lie any day..
THATS MY RULE
Karen // Sep 3, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I have to agree with “Seeker of Truth”.
Nobody is perfect and men play just as many games as women do. I think the geographical area that you live in plays a part in it as well. I am located in LA and more often than not I tend to wind up dating guys that are fakes and flakes.
Cali tends to attract the best and the beautiful and for some reason if you are a female and even a slight deviation from that norm…chances are it is somewhat challenging to land a guy (in certain circumstances).
I don’t attract losers per se….just guys that are fly-by-night.
I have a few girlfriends in the Midwest and (generally speaking) guys out there tend to fare a little better in that department.
Beckie // Nov 12, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Hey Mike, are you single???? I LOVED your letter! Hilarious, and dead on in way too many ways :}
Karen // Nov 13, 2009 at 12:46 am
Hey Beckie, Mike is an acquaintance of mine, yes he is currently single….would you like for me to pass along your contact info?
- K
Moi Ha Ha // Nov 21, 2009 at 12:47 am
I guess that I would question why if a woman doesn’t want to call because a guy doesn’t meet her expectations, it’s being “nit picky,” but if a man doesn’t call, it’s just “the nature of the beast.” Women are allowed to have standards, as are men. If you think women are too picky for having certain standards, then you shouldn’t maintain standards for yourself. Double standards are not so cool.
As for the “rule of 3,” does this mean that I should start lying to my partners/dates so they assume the truth rather than think the truth is a lie?
XOXO // Dec 8, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Yeah, a guy really wants a lady right? You jerks don’t know what the hell you want. You say you want a lady to “cover up” or is really control? You are insecure and don’t want to lose her to another man. If you really wanted a lady, then why do look at soooo much porn and go to strip clubs. Yeah jackass what do you have to say to that?
akulatraxas // Jan 20, 2010 at 11:54 am
i am supportive for Mike;s article as i am a guy myself, but i would probably correct a bit part of his article with my own idea of being called and calling back after first date, so as to eliminate the problem of double standarding…
My advise is simple: If a girl doesnt call after the first date, so what? U know the answer of the riddle already, she is just into you, so suck up on it and move on because you are a man for a reason,so no need to whinge that the woman is being nit picky, even if they are, just let them be, its their loss for a guy as borderline good looking as you.
Same for the ladies, if your first date doesnt call you why you would be piss off and call them back and tell us guys, like Seeker of Truth are whining about, that “out of respect and maturity someone should at least give the other person a courtesy call and just say your not interested period.We should treat people like the way we wish to be treated”, this is also double standard for the ladies towards the man then, referring to Moi Ha Ha’s opinion about double standardizing.
I guess just like guys, ladies, dont pretend to be so innocent and stupid that you dont know why the guys doesnt call you and NEED to hear that with your very own ear, that they are NOT INTERESTED in you. Just ignore this tiny little thing of so called “dating ethics” and move on.
But if you still insist about the guys doing the call for you, then as per double standardizing rule, if u need a guy to call after the first date to say they are interested/not interested in you, then do the same to for the guys then, call them even tho u are not interested in him, to say that word to him. Dont wait or expected to be called by guys all the time, afterall, girls and guys are equal arent we? so it would be good to share responsibility sometimes.
Cheers!
HadIt // Jan 20, 2010 at 4:49 pm
LOL, I love when men try to break down women’s behavior. They’re usually the same who have a “men vs women” mentality, like we’re all struggling with each other because we can’t possibly get along.
In reality, all men have to do is realize that women and men perfectly balance each other out in most cases, it’s our society (ruled by power-hungry men) who has thrown us out of balance. Thanks, guys.
His tips show me that these women aren’t interested in him, if this is his list. If she’s on her phone for a while, she couldn’t care less about the date. If she farts in front of you on a first date, that’s some serious “holy crap how can I get the message across?” kind of thing. Has that actually happened to you? I find it unlikely.
Also, Mike D, you don’t make much sense and seem like you’re incapable of much thought. Stop being such an asshat and just be nice. Communicate clearly with women, be a good person, don’t be a wanker, and be fair. Quit making it such a power struggle.
TheActor // Jan 30, 2010 at 5:50 pm
A lot of guys are different but these rules surprisingly apply the majority of them I think.
“1. Your looked NOTHING like your picture on your online dating profile.”
My response: OK. I’ve never dated online before but if I had I’d probably agree with this.
“2. Talking on the cell-phone”
My Response: Probably one of the most annoying possible things that someone could do. Unless you’re not interested in the guy don’t do it… because it’s a huge hint that you are not interested.
“3. I am not sure whether to buy you dinner or ask your hourly rate.”
On a date my eyes don’t wander. I’m there because I want to get to know YOU better. If you are dating guys who can’t keep their eyes off of every girl they see don’t make the assumption that all men are perverts like that. Anyway, I would be very turned off if I went on a date with someone who displayed a bit too much of their skin. Turned off from the date mind you. When you show up like that I just get the hint you are looking for a one-night stand and not a serious relationship.
“5. Pull my finger…(farting)”
Hahaha, hopefully I never have to experience this.
“6. I’m feelin’ it, you facial expressions and body language show otherwise, but deep down inside, you really are. AKA: MIXED MESSAGES”
Alright, this is a huge one. It could be because i’ve dated some real divas but sometimes the mixed messaging is just ridiculous. And it’s not about my lack of guts either. I’m a very impulsive and confident person and if I get rejected from one angle i’ll come again soon from another but if i’m constantly getting shut down… I’ll give up.
“7. I just wasn’t feeling it”
I guess this means you don’t like you’re date. I’m a very honest and respectful person and in cases like these i’m upfront and I let her know that i’m not interested. Sure, it hurts. But rip it off like a bandaid. I don’t agree with this reason. You need to realize that your dates have lives too. It’s not just you. Don’t be selfish, and don’t have them waste their time waiting for a call when you never will.
“8. Red Flags”
This is a bit weird I think. I don’t LOOK for red flags… I just enjoy my date. Also, if you begin the date without any trust can you really expect it to go anywhere? I open every relationship with full respect, total trust, and complete honesty.
“9. Rule of 3″
This is probably the stupidest rule i’ve ever heard. And who talks about how many people they’ve slept while you’re still dating? That’s way soon for me and I tend to stay away from that area in general.
“10. There was a good football game on t.v. the next day and we plain forgot.”
O.K. I am a HUGE football fan. But this is selfish and shows your lack of interest in your date. If you didn’t like her enough to even remember to call her because of a football game – unless it’s the SUPERBOWL or your team’s PLAYOFF GAME (in which case, why the hell did you have a date the night before?) it is completely disrespectful to not call.
That’s my input.
not XOXO // Feb 10, 2010 at 12:03 pm
XOXO,
Yea most men probably look at a lot of porn, and many go to strip clubs, but most don’t do it while out on a date.
There is some song that goes like “i want a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed”
dunno,
me
OHWutev // Feb 12, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Disregard all of these comments (except mine), and ask yourselves who in the h*ll has to read an article entitied “10 reasons why I didn’t call you”??? Did it eat you up so badly that you had to research common reasons on the internet? There’s only one answer, he/she’s not that into you, PERIOD. Get over it.
OHWutev // Feb 12, 2010 at 12:45 pm
HAHAHAHA like there’s something that did it for him/her, and if you hadn’t committed #1-10, the person would what…be into you still? HA! Get a life!
Karen // Feb 12, 2010 at 1:34 pm
I lol’d a bit when I read “OHWutev” posts.
He/she makes a good point. GET OVER IT !!!
Here’s a little food for thought:
Q: What is the opposite of Love? (hint: It’s not hate).
A: Indifference.
If it is really and truly eating you up so bad, and you want to “get revenge”, the best “revenge” is simply indifference. Stop talking to them, stop acknowledging their existence and that action in and of itself will cut the most. I would not advice “getting revenge” but if for some reason it’s eating you up so bad that you are online looking for what to do…..simply ignore them. They do not exist in your life anymore. You are better than they are and in a few short weeks/months you will be dating someone better than the last person who dumped you.