Online Dating Liars: Why they do what they do
A recent study came out from the University of Kansas that suggested that men who are more apt to tell the truth (25 year old guy making 90k a year?) come from the online dating sites that are geared more towards relationships like eharmony.com and Chemistry.com
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Professor Jeffrey Hall of the University of Kansas found that out of the 5000 users of an undisclosed online dating site, most responded that they tell the truth in their profiles. The ones who reported that they lied are generally the “people pleaser” types. These types of people can quickly figure out what other people like and use that to their advantage to gain social acceptance and in more extreme cases, manipulate others.
According to the study, men indicated that they were more willing to lie than women were in cases of finance, education and looks. The women who reported that they would be willing to lie, almost always did so about their weight. The same types of people that lied online were also the types that would do it face to face. Professor Hall indicated that for the “high end” online dating sites, people generally tended to lie less because they were anticipating an in person meeting and knew that the lie(s) would come out almost immediately.
Going off of personal experience, I find that people who only have 1 picture of themselves up on their online dating profile (usually taken at a weird or extreme angle) are more apt to be lying about something, or not disclosing the entire truth. Whenever I meet someone new in an online dating site (outside of eHarmony and/or Chemistry.com) I do a 3 step process prior to even considering meeting them for a date in real life:
1. Lengthy email exchange.
In this day and age, we tend to keep our communications short and sweet. With online dating, you have to realize you are getting to know a random stranger. True they may be one a total hottie, but you need to investigate further. I keep my email exchanges to about 4-5 times back and forth.
2. Instant message communication.
If no red flags pop up on the email exchange, I suggest we then take it to Yahoo Instant Messenger or AOL chat. Both chat messengers offer free downloads of their chat services and it costs nothing to use them. Since I work long hours, I usually pick 9pm on a Saturday night to meet up for a chat.
3. Phone call.
Not everyone likes to chit chat over the phone, but a phone call is a MUST prior to meeting someone in real life. If they fooled you via their personality profile, and they fooled you via the email and they fooled you via the instant message…..unless they are a sociopathic crazy, the “phone” will reveal a good deal about what their intentions are. You can tell a lot about a person from the way they talk, and the subtle inflictions in the tone of their voices.
Even after all of the above has been accomplished, and I’m somewhat satisfied I’m not going to be meeting Charles Manson at the local coffee shop for a date….I still keep my guard up for the first few dates.
What about you guys? Have any one of you ever been lied to, or caught one of your potential dates in a lie?
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March 7th, 2010 at 11:41 pm
As a female who is in her mid-to-late 40′s, I have noticed that the “liars” generally appear on the “low end” online dating sites. Plenty of Fish, Singlesnet/etc.
Don’t get me wrong, these low end sites aren’t full of liars/cheats/scammers, but you need to have your guard up a bit more because of the ease of access to the sites (read: free to join)