Recently, I posted an interview with a cougar article about
a woman in her 40’s who considers herself a “cougar”. A
cougar is a 40-50 year old female who dates men 15-20
years her junior.
In the past few weeks I have gotten more than a few
emails requesting that I post the entire interview. The interview
is quite long and thorough, so I have broken it up into 2 parts.
The first part (the part below) is an introduction. You will get
to know the “cougar” and her background story. The second
part picks up where the first part left off.
(I am using false names for the various people mentioned in this
story to protect their identity.)
ODM: Hello Debra, thank you for taking the
time to sit down and chat with me.
Debra: Hello Tony.
ODM: So let’s get right into it. Why don’t you
start off by telling our readers a little bit about yourself?
Debra: Well, I am a 47 years old and have been
divorced now for a little over 8 years. I have 2 teenage daughters
(18 and 19) and live in what I would consider a middle class
neighborhood. I received my M.B.A. from a local University,
although I put my career on hold to raise my family. I now sell real
estate here in Southern California.
ODM: Would you consider yourself a “successful
Debra: Lol, yes I guess you can say so. It took a
lot of hard work to get to where I am at right now in life and my
ex-husband was of little to no help. Once the divorce was final,
I set out to reclaim the life I had envisioned I would have, prior
to getting married.
ODM: So tell me a bit more about your dating
experiences after your divorce.
Debra: Like most females who find themselves
thrust back into the dating scene after a long marriage, I had
somewhat of a hard time meeting what I would consider “the right guy”.
I did the bar scene, went out on a few atrocious blind dates set up by
well meaning friends and none of those really panned out.
It was funny…the same type of guys that I dated prior to getting
married were just not doing it for me anymore. I got tired of hearing
the same old stories from guys my age….they either talked nonstop
about their divorce or their kids. Older guys also seemed to be a bit
jaded on dating as well as their schedules were unnecessarily complicated
with child custody time issues, ex wives and long hours at the office.
ODM: So is this when you decided to start dating
Debra: I never really saw it as a conscious choice to
start dating younger men. The majority of the guys I dated after my
divorce were in their mid-to-late 40’s. I even went out with a few 60
year olds. It seemed as if each and every one of these guys were stuck
in a time warp. They pretty much listened to the same type of music,
dressed the same way and lived the same boring lifestyle. They seemed
to go on and on about their ex’s and their divorce, or I would have to sit
through an hour long presentation about their illustrious careers and how
great they were.
I was on a mission to find myself, to regain my individuality. This was not
going to be accomplished by sitting home on a Saturday night or going out
on yet another boring dinner date only to be taken back to his place and
have to “wait a few” before the Viagra starts kicking in.
ODM: Did the physical characteristics of “older”
men in their 40’s turn you off?
Debra: Honestly? Yes. A big fat beer belly and hair
where there should not be any hair just wasn’t doing it for me. Not to
mention most men over 40 tend to let themselves go physically. They
don’t take the time to work out like younger men do. After the divorce,
I found myself needing more physical contact from a man than ever before.
ODM: Tell me about your first experience with
dating a younger man.
Debra: You are going to change my name on here?
ODM: I will change it prior to publishing this interview.
Debra: About 2 years ago my 18 year old daughter
was planning on going to a party with some of her college friends.
The parents of the person having the party were out of town.
This would be the first party that she attended (to my knowledge)
in college. If the kids nowadays are anything like how we were
back in the 70’s….I knew there would be alcohol and quite possibly
drugs at the party. I suggested that she have a small get-together
at our house instead. That way I could at least cut out the drugs
part of the equation. I knew that the teenagers would find a way
to get drunk so I made the decision to allow alcohol at the party,
provided that everyone who was drinking would spend the night.
I know I am going to get some flak for allowing this…but I would rather have
the kids drinking at my place and sleeping it off on my couch than getting
into a car and driving drunk. This way, I could also monitor alcohol
consumption of the teenagers.
The night went off considerably well, no major incidents. There were
about 15 college students in total that showed up. I spent a good
portion of the night playing hostess and even joined the kids at the
table for a game of poker. I don’t quite remember the rest of the
details, but there was this 18 year old named Brian (name changed – Karen)
who was the life of the party. He was being a bit flirtatious with all the
girls (including myself) and I think I might have reciprocated here and
there. As the night drew on, one thing led to another and we somehow
I have split this interview into 2 posts. The entire interview
is well over 2500 words and as such is kind of hard to read in one
long post. Click below to continue to the third and final part of
Interview with a Cougar.