How to Talk to Women if You are Shy and Nervous
Guys, I’m going to give you $1500.00 worth of advice right now:
Read the below paragraph. If it sounds like something you would do, it’s probably in your best interests to pay close attention to the rest of this short article.
Close your eyes and think back to the last time you were at a bar on a Friday or Saturday night with a group of your guy friends. After the first couple rounds of drinks and your buddies started mixing and mingling with the lovely females that surrounded you, did you notice yourself starting to glance around the bar (perhaps nervously) looking to make eye contact with a cute chick in the high hopes she would reciprocate? When you made said eye contact, did she wink slyly at you, make the “come here, you big stud” motion with her finger or did she glance away withoutsomuch as even a smile?
As the night drew on, did you find yourself standing (or sitting) in the corner of the bar by yourself….grasping the bottle of beer in your hand and nervously sipping it…to the point where you started to notice how much you were drinking?
When you finally got enough liquid courage inside you and figured “it’s now or never” and walked over to a girl….did you actually know what the hell you were talking about when you were trying to spit some game to her? Was the (nervous) laughter that was coming out of her and her friends mouths laughing with you, or AT you?
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Here is the secret on how to talk to women if you are nervous or shy:
Practice, practice, practice. You can search the interenets far and wide and will not come up with better advice. Practice makes perfect, young padowan.
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Let’s analyze the above bar scene and see just what you did wrong that night:
1. You went out to a bar, knowing full well that you are shy/nervous and “not too good at talking to the ladies”. You set yourself up for failure the second you walked out your front door with even the slightest hope that you would meet a girl that night.
2. You let your buddies leave you at the bar (to go talk to the women) by yourself. Women can smell desperation a mile away and even if some chick was looking for a pity f#@% that night, the sight of you by yourself…..looking like a deer caught in the headlights was cause enough to make her rethink her original plans of going home alone back to someone named B.O.B.
3. As you struck out alone you decided to get even drunker to mask your nervousness….not fully realized that it exacerbated it by about 150%.
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To save yourself from future failure, I would advise you to do the following:
When you go out to bars with your buddies, take some time to relax and realize that you probably aren’t going to get a girls number that night. Once you have the “anything goes” mental attitude, the battle is halfway won. This relaxed mindstate allows you to be you, and if by chance a female does strike up a conversation with you, you won’t be as nervous as you would have if you were expecting it.
Going back to my original statement: Practice, practice, practice. Here are 3 easy ways to get practice in talking to women:
1. Goto local coffee shops and pick a seat and sit. Don’t bring your laptop, don’t bring a book. Just park your ass in a chair and sit. Force yourself to sit even if it feels uncomfortable. If you are lucky, a girl might sit down next to you, but I wouldn’t expect it. If someone does strike up a conversation with you, go with the flow. The point of this exercise is to force yourself to stay in situations that you might deem “uncomfortable” or “awkward” due to the fact that you are surrounded by strangers and have no idea who might come by to talk to you. It is critically important that you de-program the “wall flower” out of your subconscious prior to moving on to step #2.
2. After a week or two of the coffee shop (or any public place) you are probably a bit more relaxed now being in public in social situations. Good, but you’ve got a long way to go. Join an online dating site. I would advise Match.com or Yahoo Personals. The reason being is that both dating sites are more casual than some of the higher end online dating sites (like eHarmony). Create a profile, using clear pictureS (plural) of yourself. When it comes time to write the “about me” part, just be honest. Now, start browsing your ass off at the females on the personals site and send at least 50 emails. Do it canned style. We are going for quantity, not quality here. Chances are that at least 1 female will write you back. It is now your mission to get her phone number and start chatting your little ass off over the phone.
Do this repeatedly with as many women as you can, then set up a few dates. After a while you will start noticing your confidence building ….so much so….that you don’t even think twice when it comes time to talking to a girl you have never met before in public. It is just second nature.
I used to work for a very small company that showed guys how to overcome shyness in public and give them the tools and abilities they needed to talk to women in real life. I used the exact same methods/techniques in real life for my clients. For the entire 1 month program, we charged $1500.00. Every single guy (about 40 of them) that I worked with came out a confident, new man.
So pretty much I just gave you a $1500 crash course in how to talk to women if you are shy or nervous. For free. It will take you about a month (give or take) to develop the necessary skills to be good enough to stand on your own when it comes time to talking to women. Feel free to leave a comment or question below and I will respond within a few hours (give or take).
I don’t know what else to do/say to help you out…? Does shock treatment work best for you?
Have you considered dating men, perhaps?
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October 29th, 2009 at 9:08 am
There is only one problem with your advice about online dating. I’ve been on Match twice now. So far, in the past 6 months of this membership, I’ve sent out over 50 emails per month! The first 3 months — I sent out over 10 emails (custom following general outline) per day! The last 3 months have still had over 50 emails per month.
I’ve had 2 responses total! Neither even got me a 2nd response — forget a phone number! Guys who are shy around women (like myself) need more than a generic — email, they will email back — gameplan.
Just a thought.