Low self esteem. It affects almost every single
person in this world, to some extent or another.
Some people have worse self esteem than others.
Even people whom you think have high self-esteem
may be actually putting on a good show and covering
up the fact that they don’t.

Whatever it is, whatever the reason, low self esteem
is only going to harm you when it comes to dating.
People naturally are attracted to other people who
have high self esteem. Low self esteem is seen by others
as “low self worth”. If you are single, you are naturally
looking for someone who is of value in one way or another.
This means that people naturally put a “value” on other
people that they meet during the course of their lives.
High self esteem is very important to attracting
(and keeping) someone that you want to date. The question
now begs: “How does one go about getting high self esteem?”

Not all of us are super models. Not everyone
has a “perfect body”, not everyone has money and a nice
car. First off you have to analyze yourself and try to see
how others view you, then you need to figure out what
things in life, or what qualities you have that are great.
Whenever someone asks me “how do I go about trying
to figure out how other people view me”, I simply suggest
they ask a close friend, or loved one to give them their
thoughts. Although sometimes their thoughts and views
can be biased (”well, my mommy told me I was good”….).

I suggest you take advantage of some of the free tools
out there on the internet. One very good tool is the
.

eHarmony spends hundreds of thousands of dollars every year
in researching human compatibility/relationships. They then take
their findings and incorporate it/update into their free online
personality profile quiz. I have people take this personality
profile because it is completely free, with no credit
card required (you are not obligated to sign up for
eHarmony if you take their personality profile quiz)
and it gives you an honest view as to
how other people see you. The results of your
personality profile are several pages in length
and go into great detail about your personality.

Once you have that in hand, print it out for
future reference.

Now it is time to begin building on your self esteem.
Take a look at the personality profile then compare
it as to how you see yourself. What qualities do you
bring to the table? What unique things can you
offer that special someone? Why should someone
chose you over that hottie they gave their phone
number to last week?

The answers to these questions may take some
time to figure out. In the meantime, here are
some short-term solutions as to how you can
improve your self-confidence:

1. Don’t think negative thoughts.
Ever heard the saying “You are what you eat?”
Well in this case, you are what you think. If you
constantly think you can’t do something, chances
are you are right. If you have never really
experienced success in life, I would suggest this
be the first thing you work on. In a matter of a
few short days/weeks or months you will begin
to experience that little thing in life people call
“success”.

2. Envision yourself in your mind the way you
want to be seen by others.
So you have a fat stomach, so you aren’t that attractive,
so you think everyone laughs at you…..Big deal !!!
The only reason people think those things
about you is because that is how you see yourself.
You may think that the thoughts inside your head
are private and only heard by you…..but you are dead
wrong. What goes on inside that little head of yours
is subconsciously transferred to your outside persona.
Try thinking about yourself in a good light, instead
of a bad light. Instead of you being “fat”, you are
merely just a few pounds overweight.
You walk a few miles a week so you are trying to
lose the weight. etc. Get the idea? Think about
yourself in a good light….and it will come to fruition.

3. Stop the inner critic.
This one kind of goes hand in hand with #2.
Simply put: Don’t put yourself down inside your head !!
Thomas Edison had a saying:

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

It’s as simple as that. You only fail when
you stop trying, so quit being so harsh on
yourself. Would you like it if someone in
real life kept putting you down as much as
you put youself down inside your head
on a daily basis? Hell no !! You would
probably want to punch that person in the face
a few times.

4. Be your own cheer leading squad.
The exact opposite of #3. Cheer yourself
on a daily basis, even for the most mundane
accomplishments in life. This may seem
a bit stupid, but over time this happy thinking
reinforces good self confidence.

5. Avoid negative comparisons to others.
I have seen this all too often. A guy goes
out on a date with a really “hot chick” and
he thinks that he can’t get her because he
doesn’t have a lot of money, or isn’t that
good looking compared to other guys. This
is a great way to reduce your value with a
member of the opposite sex. Once
you start comparing yourself to others in
that (and other) regards, you have set
yourself up for failure. If you feel that
you must compare, compare against yourself
against how you were 1 month ago. Once
you start thinking along those lines, you
will see success and progress will follow suit.

6. Make a list of your accomplishments in life so far
I really don’t need to explain this one.
Just do it and you will start to realize
that your low self esteem is nothing more
than:

“In your head”.

God Bless and good luck with your online dating endeavors !!

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