How to impress your new boyfriend/girlfriends parents
This post is in response to an email that I received a few days ago. This person explained to me that she had just met her new boyfriends parents and she got the feeling that they didn’t like her very much. My only advice to her is the following:
“These things happen”.
There really isn’t much you can do when meeting the parents for the first time of your significant other. Either they like you, or they don’t. First impressions are hard to shake off and even harder to change once someone has judged you in their mind. Keep in mind that they are only trying to figure out if you are the right person for their little Johnny or Susie and will most likely have you under the proverbial microscope the entire time. You can’t change who you are, so instead try to tread lightly when meeting your boyfriend or girlfriends parents for the first time. I have compiled a few suggestions that you should keep in mind when meeting the parents of your significant other. Just because the first “meet and greet” went off without a hitch, doesn’t mean you are off the hook. Depending on each person, it could take months for their parents to accept you (if they are really judgmental). Best thing to do is keep a smile on your face and try to avoid doing anyone of the following faux pauxs:
I’m only listing 5 items this time. Everything else would be a waste of your time in reading this article. I could go on and on about “how to dress”, “what to say”, “proper dinner manners” etc, but I’m sure you already have that down pat. My intentions for this article are to help you with a few curveballs that might be thrown your way:
1. Discussing politics.
This reminds me of the time when a friend of mine was invited out to dinner with the parents of his new girlfriend. Over the course of conversation, the topic of the troubled economy was brought up and he took a few swipes at former President Bush. In his mind, it was a “safe bet”, since everyone he knew hated Bush and thought he was the Anti-Christ. Well, it turned out that her parents were HUGE Bush supporters….and after a few (well meaning) verbal pot-shots, the dinner became very uncomfortable.
2. Foul language/thinly veiled racism.
Just because his/her Dad is the re-incarnation of Ralph Kramden, doesn’t mean you need to follow suit in order to impress him. Even one small off-color joke overheard by a distant relative at whatever function you are attending can come back to haunt you. People talk. Relatives gossip. Keep your “F-You’s” and “those damn….” to yourself at the dinner table and beyond. Even if you don’t have one biased belief in your entire body….just one relative (cousin/brother/sister) who happens to overhear something you say, can take it out of context and really screw you over. Save the cusswords and off-color jokes for your friends/bar.
3. I’m not a Lawyer, but I play one on the internet !
Whatever you do, do not lie in order to impress his/her dad or mom. This is not a job interview, you can’t get away with stretching the truth a little bit. These people will be involved in your life the entire time you are dating their son/daughter and people have really good memories. People aren’t stupid and can tell the difference between “being nervous” and “trying too hard to impress”. The former is forgivable and quite natural, the latter might lead them to believe you have some to hide.
4. When in doubt, shut your fat mouth.
Ever heard the saying “Give a man enough rope and he will hang himself” ? Same goes for meeting the parents of your new boyfriend or girlfriend. If by chance his/her dad served in Army as an interrogator and you find yourself getting the third degree, just go with the flow. If you don’t know the answer to a question they are asking you, just tell them that you “aren’t sure”. Tis better to be thought of as a fool, than to open your mouth and confirm it.
5. Sisters/brothers/cousins/aunts/uncles are all watching you….and making mental notes.
Just because her dad slapped you on the shoulder and called you “Son” in the first 10 minutes you meet him, doesn’t mean you are off the hook. If you are at a family function (especially one that is serving alcohol), keep in mind that the entire family is watching you. Even if they don’t act like it, trust me….your words and actions can come back to haunt you. Keep this in mind when you are talking to Uncle Tony and he starts telling you stories of “how much pot” he used to smoke back in college. Now is NOT the time to brag about the 10′ bong you and your buddies bought the other day. (a similar situation happened to me, although it didn’t involve pot. I met her Uncle at a family function and he started bragging about how many bar fights he got into “back in the day”. I related a few stories of my own in the spirit of the conversation. About a week later my girlfriend asked me “so how many fights have you been in”. Doh !)
Keep in mind that if her parents want to find out more information about you, they will. The first place they might start (in this day and age) is the internet. Ever “Googled yourself” ? Check and double-check your Myspace and Facebook pages and clean them up a bit. I have never heard of a parent hiring a private detective, but that doesn’t mean that their parents don’t have friends in high (or low) places that can get more information about you. I’m not just speaking to the potheads and Billy-Bad-Asses out there….ever go out on a night on the town with your girlfriends and a picture might have been taken of you kissing your girlfriends boobs? Gee, wonder where that picture is now? The point here is try to do some reputation management and get your ducks in a row prior to meeting your new boyfriend or girlfriends parents.
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May 16th, 2010 at 1:54 pm
hey, thanks this makes me feel alot better. My boyfriend says: just be yourself … and im the kinda girl who says stuff like ” its cuz im black” etc… and i do swear alot. Ill keep all that you said in mind Thanks alot.
-Jessiey