How to close the deal with a girl you just met
Here are a few tips on how to close the deal with a girl. (I’m going to take a break from my traditional “top 10″ format and just author this post from a conscious stream of thought….ala “Puff Daddy” when singing backup on the old Biggy records. You know, when he goes “uggh, yeah, ha-haaaaaaw” every 2-3 seconds during the entire rap song.)
Last week I was at a local pub with one of my buddies. He met a girl and they seemed to hit it off really well. After a few hours I left (by myself) and figured he would call the next day telling me about how he scored with this pretty hot chick. About 2am, I get a phone call from him telling me that he wasn’t able to close the deal.
I kinda shook my head as I was certain that he was going to (at the very least) get this girls number. My buddy is not a shy guy and he has no problem striking up conversations with beautiful women. So much so, that I try to take a few lessons from him when we are out drinking together. In short: his social skills are about 10x that of any normal guy out there.
Being that my day job is coaching guys and girls on how to succeed in dating, I decided to research this a bit further. Turns out this little issue affects more guys that I knew about. They go out at night and meet a cute girl, chat her up for the entire night and aren’t able to close the deal. I was always under the impression that it should be the other way around…..how TO talk to a girl….once you have her attention, the rest just falls into place. So let’s take a minute here and go back to basics.
Availability
Sometimes guys make themselves too available to the women they are talking to. They agree on everything she says, and really don’t challenge her mentally. It’s not that the guys aren’t smart, but rather they let their defenses down for a minute thinking that this girl represents home base (and an easy score). Once you have a girls attention at a bar and find yourself talking to her for more than a few minutes, take a few to analyze the situation. What are you guys talking about exactly? Business? Pleasure? Her great Aunt Mary whose cats just had kittens? If you notice her starting to listen more than she speaks, this could be a sign that she isn’t being challenged enough.
Play hard to get….
Example (and true story): I met this smoking hot Polish girl a few years back. 5’10 blond/blue perfect body. In short, she was waaaay out of my league. Whatevers. I’m a “what you see is what you get” type of guy, so it really didn’t bother me. So on our second date, we went out to a club. Being the lush wino that I am, I set my sights on getting plastered in the first 15 minutes. Not because I was nervous…but dammit, I wanted to drink ! When I’m that drunk my fat mouth and quick wit start doing their own thing. It was enough to say that at that particular point in time, a shit I gave not. I knew this girl was a little bit out of my league and I honestly didn’t care. I was out to have fun with a smoking hot chick that night, period.
As the night drew on she invited me out on the dance floor. I got out there and started doing my thing. There were several other cute girls on the dance floor and I couldn’t help but stare at their breasts and rub up against their asses. The girls seemed to reciprocate so it was all good. The next thing I know the girl that I was with was physically pulling me away from the other girls so I would be dancing with her. This happened about 3-4 times before she finally dragged me off the dance floor and sat down in my lap on a barstool.
Needless to say, she became my girlfriend a few days later.
Psychologically speaking, what happened here was that I was dating a girl with semi-low self esteem. I don’t think she fully realized her value “on the market” and as such the act of me dancing with other girls whom she deemed “cuter than her” was enough to trigger a predatory response. Not all women are like that….but a good portion of them have low self esteem. Want to potentially get to first base that night? Make yourself less available by talking to other women. Don’t be a dick about it, do it with style/class and a smile on your face so that she doesn’t think you are being an ass on purpose. Your goal is to make her think that she is going to lose you to another girl who is cuter than her (in her mind). It’s kinda like playing a fish on the line….give it enough line and it will swim away. Pull hard and tight on the line and it will most likely break. You need to find the perfect balance so that she is thinking to herself:
“God, why does every guy I talk to always go for the girls who are cuter than I am?”
Throw in a few shots of vodka into her head….and you kind Sir, will be knee deep in the good stuff that night or at the very least get her phone number.
There are many “self help” websites out there that show you little tricks on how to pick up women. I’m going to skip over all of that stuff assuming that you either already know it (common sense) or aren’t buying into it. The little story that I just related is just one of many ways to “set the hook” and get the girl’s full undivided attention.
It’s 2am. The bar is closing and you are getting tired. If you are like most guys, the first words out of your mouth to that cute chick you have been talking to all night are probably somewhere along the lines of: “Hey, so why don’t we continue this conversation over at my place” or the ever-popular “Can I have your number”.
NO, NYET, NEIN, NAUGHT, NO !!
If you aren’t 100% certain that she will do what you ask….why set yourself up for failure?
For that entire 2-3 hours that you were talking to her, you should have been mentally and subconsciously laying the ground work for either
a. Taking her back to your place
b. Getting her phone number
If you find yourself talking to a girl you met at a bar for more than 30 minutes, you should have enough information about her to give her a reason to want to see you again. Did you have anything in common?
Save the whales?
Keen on Jesus?
Release the hounds?
There has to be at least some common ground you guys found during that conversation. Take said common ground and subtly use it to get her back to your place or her telephone number. I can think of a million reasons to ask a girl for her number. You should have gotten her number prior to the night ending. That way the pressure is off and your aren’t (in a drunken stupor) trying to figure out how to get her back to your place after last call.
Good luck, fellas ! dcvt2yexs8
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February 4th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
Over all (and Im a woman) the informaiton in the site is true?. Dont like the fact that the author entice’s the male to ply the woman with booze and underhanded reasoning ? And they wonder where we get our skewed opinion of them?? They come up with shit like that and have the ‘calzone’s’ to brag about it?!.
Forget honesty and be an appealing male, go with the ‘run of the mill’ “I got some tricks up my sleeve and not in my paint’s” gotta get, gotta get it NOW PUNK, and the male species will remain replaced by thoughtful woman with a battery operated kind, quite, obliging, non-
wont call you after the first date because the next day is a SUNDAY and theres a good game on the tube, piss on your tolit seat pain in the ass
juvenal man. Oh yeah and the one with the batteries knows where your spot ‘is’.
February 13th, 2010 at 2:50 am
Ok, I am a guy. I am 27 years old. I was recently (7 Months Ago) divorced. I am now single after 7 years, I am atractive and incredibly successfull, and I end up having to look up keywords on google like, How to pick up women. In order to fully understand the IRONY that I see in dating you have to be briefed, cause me and my ex got together YOUNG…. (15 her and 17 me) and were together had kids and married. Mortgage carreer path….bla bla bla, the useual. We relocated to divore and as I said, I get relocated thru my work 3000 miles from her and the kids. So I never really had to date. Personally, at home, I am a kaid back hand out kinda guy. I hate dull moments and contribute often to try and avoid them. “I try not to be a dick”. Professionally, I train salespeople. Telemarketers, calling businesses. I am pretty good at it. The advice above is a template for ANY, and yes I mean ANY sales training you will ever see. If you are reading this post then you have read the article, so now, when your done here, go to youtube and search Sales Training, you will almost imidiatly recignize the paralels. I mean you women are like the leads my salespeople work to sell. Dont get all pro women on me, what I mean is your weathered and decensitized to unsolicited approaches from testostorone packin guys. I tell you what, once i figured out the irony in the situation, once i figured that was it, i started meeting alot of cool girls. I am not going to lie online, or to my friends, alot of these girls have no sexual interest, but we are friends now, and they have friends, its like a sales referal. So dont go around bashing the techniques that allow a man the chance to unmask the stereotype and really get to know who he is.