How to break up with someone with style and grace
Sometimes, no matter how charming, friendly, and intelligent someone is, after the initial flame goes out, you realize that things just aren’t clicking. And when that happens, the most sensible thing to do is break up.
Although we watch break ups all the time in romantic comedies and sitcoms, actually uttering the infamous words, “It’s not you, it’s me,” gets most people’s panties in a knot. But really, breaking up is a lot easier than staying in a relationship with someone you don’t care about.
So, if it’s obvious to you that you’re in a dead end relationship, don’t hesitate to call it quits. Just be sure to hone your break up skills and remain tactful at break up time so you don’t develop any bad dating karma or accumulate a long list of enemies throughout your years of singledom.
The Where, When, and How
Never, and I say NEVER, break up with someone via email, text message, postal mail, fax, or instant message. Not only is it cruel and insensitive, it shows that you’re a total wimp. Gather the courage to meet in person and break up with them face-to-face. And besides, how would you feel if one day your break up letter is posted all over the internet? Maintain your privacy and keep your dating life off the record by breaking up in person.
Also, when you break up with someone, be sure to do it in a private place. It will be very humiliating for your partner if you do it in a public area where there are other people around, especially if they react emotionally to your words.
In addition to choosing the right place to break up, make sure that the timing is right. Avoid dropping the bomb on major holidays, your partner’s birthday, or your anniversary (duh!). The dumpee will be sure to remember that fateful day for life if you break the news on a so-called special occasion.
And needless to say, don’t break up by disappearing off the face of the planet. Although it might be tempting for you to stop answering their calls or ignore all of their emails instead of facing up to your responsibility, there’s no excuse for being such a wuss. Get some cajones and tell them that you’re not longer interested! Break ups are an unavoidable part of life.
Be Honest but Sensitive
It’s important to be honest when you are breaking up with someone, but you don’t have to say EVERYTHING. Your partner doesn’t need to know that you think they’re boring, unattractive, or dumb. Just explain that you aren’t interested anymore, plainly and cautiously. There’s no need to go into all the gory details because nobody likes to be told how much they suck.
Stay Cool, Calm, and Collected
When you do the dirty work of breaking up, it’s possible that your partner will have a fit, shout, or call you names. Rejection is tough for anyone, but you’ll only make matters worse if you react in the same manner. Try to hear your partner out till the end, but don’t respond to their antics. If their behavior escalates, get out of there, fast! Maintaining one’s cool is the key to breaking up with style and grace.
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August 24th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Thanks for posting this Karen. I just went through a breakup with a guy I was dating for 5 months. I knew something was wrong when he started seeing me less and less a few weeks back but it got to the point where he stopped calling me and didn’t return my phone calls. I went to his place to confront him and he didn’t answer his door (even though I knew he was there). So after three days of calling, sending emails and writing I’ve given up. After 5 months it would have at least been nice to get a phone call.
May 20th, 2011 at 7:36 pm
Thanks for posting. But I have some questions. How do you break-up with someone when you know that it’s gonna crush them. He is so wrapped, that if I don’t text him before I fall asleep he freaks. We’ve been dating for about 3 months and he’s talking marriage and all that. He lives about 35 miles from me, and sadly, I’m glad for the distance. I ain’t interested in seeing anybody else, but I really don’t think I was really ready for this kind of committment. When someone would say, “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you anymore.” I would think they were just bsing but now, I understand what they mean. I don’t wanna crush the guy, but I don’t want the torment of hearing him plan out our future anymore. HELP!
November 14th, 2011 at 2:55 pm
I am really confused on a lot of different points and want this done with style and grace. I have been in a long term(4 yrs) relationship lived with the indiviual for a long period of time (3 yrs) but now we live apart due to his financial issues. I do not see an end to these issues, love the man but call me selfish being middle aged I guess has done this to me. My income just takes care of me not able to help or support this person. How do I get out, without being the Bitch?