If you are thinking of hitting the sheets with a guy right after your first date-don’t! I repeat…This is a bad idea. You know your local bag guy at the corner grocery store better than you know this guy. Even if he has said all of the right things, you do not need to be bedding down with him. If you wait, it’ll be even better after the fourth date or the date after that. I don’t have a steadfast rule on how many dates you need to go on before you do sleep with a guy but it really needs to be at least after a few. Guys like the chase. If you give in right away, where’s the mystery? There isn’t any. And for great sex, you need to have a build up. There’s no build up if you are sleeping with him right away. You just come across as easy. It’s true. Go on; ask some of your guy friends. They’ll tell you the same thing.

A good way to avoid nooky on the first date is to avoid a lot of alcohol. I know, alcohol helps you to relax but too much and you’ll lose your inhibitions and your shirt by the end of night. And no one likes a sloppy drunk. Have just a couple of light drinks and drink water the rest of the night. Your head and you dignity will thank you the next day.

If you are worried about what the guy will say then be prepared with a response if he asks you about it. You can tell him that you are interested in him but you feel like in order for things to move forward, you will need to wait until the time is right. Tell him that you are sure that he can understand that because he has been such a gentleman all night long. If he pressures you, this should send up red flags that this is not the guy that you want to be with. You deserve better!

Sex does not equal love. And girls, just because you sleep with a guy this does not mean he is in love with you. It also does not mean that by sleeping with him, you’ll be able to make him fall in love with you. You are much smarter than that and you need to show him that there is more to you than what is between your legs. Sex, I repeat, does not equal love.

Think of it like this…If you wanted ice cream, right now, and you went out and bought some and ate it, then it would be good. But if you could not have the ice cream, then your desire for it will grow stronger and stronger as the days or weeks go on. And when you finally do taste that Chocolate Chip ice cream that you have been dreaming of it tastes amazing!

I don’t know any guy, worth dating, that doesn’t respect a girl for waiting awhile to sleep with him. It also shows him that you are not sleeping with just any guy that pays for your dinner. You will show him that if he treats you right and you two continue to have a good time together, then and only then, will he get some.

You deserve to value yourself and by “saving” yourself until you feel that the time is right, you will be doing just that. You will be making your relationship with this guy stronger by making him wait. You increase his desire and we all know that increased desire is a good thing. You are his Chocolate Chip ice cream with whip cream and cherries on top. I’m all for a good roll in the hay, just make sure that you are rolling around with the right cowboy.

Should you sleep with a guy on the first date? is a post from: Online Dating Matches

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Last week I was at a local pub with one of my buddies. He met a girl and they seemed to hit it off really well. After a few hours I left (by myself) and figured he would call the next day telling me about how he scored with this pretty hot chick. About 2am, I get a phone call from him telling me that he wasn’t able to close the deal.

I kinda shook my head as I was certain that he was going to (at the very least) get this girls number. My buddy is not a shy guy and he has no problem striking up conversations with beautiful women. So much so, that I try to take a few lessons from him when we are out drinking together. In short: his social skills are about 10x that of any normal guy out there.

Being that my day job is coaching guys and girls on how to succeed in dating, I decided to research this a bit further. Turns out this little issue affects more guys that I knew about. They go out at night and meet a cute girl, chat her up for the entire night and aren’t able to close the deal. I was always under the impression that it should be the other way around…..how TO talk to a girl….once you have her attention, the rest just falls into place. So let’s take a minute here and go back to basics.

Availability

Sometimes guys make themselves too available to the women they are talking to. They agree on everything she says, and really don’t challenge her mentally. It’s not that the guys aren’t smart, but rather they let their defenses down for a minute thinking that this girl represents home base (and an easy score). Once you have a girls attention at a bar and find yourself talking to her for more than a few minutes, take a few to analyze the situation. What are you guys talking about exactly? Business? Pleasure? Her great Aunt Mary whose cats just had kittens? If you notice her starting to listen more than she speaks, this could be a sign that she isn’t being challenged enough.

Play hard to get….

Example (and true story): I met this smoking hot Polish girl a few years back. 5′10 blond/blue perfect body. In short, she was waaaay out of my league. Whatevers. I’m a “what you see is what you get” type of guy, so it really didn’t bother me. So on our second date, we went out to a club. Being the lush wino that I am, I set my sights on getting plastered in the first 15 minutes. Not because I was nervous…but dammit, I wanted to drink ! When I’m that drunk my fat mouth and quick wit start doing their own thing.  It was enough to say that at that particular point in time, a shit I gave not. I knew this girl was a little bit out of my league and I honestly didn’t care. I was out to have fun with a smoking hot chick that night, period.

As the night drew on she invited me out on the dance floor. I got out there and started doing my thing. There were several other cute girls on the dance floor and I couldn’t help but stare at their breasts and rub up against their asses. The girls seemed to reciprocate so it was all good. The next thing I know the girl that I was with was physically pulling me away from the other girls so I would be dancing with her. This happened about 3-4 times before she finally dragged me off the dance floor and sat down in my lap on a barstool.

Needless to say, she became my girlfriend a few days later.

Psychologically speaking, what happened here was that I was dating a girl with semi-low self esteem. I don’t think she fully realized her value “on the market” and as such the act of me dancing with other girls whom she deemed “cuter than her” was enough to trigger a predatory response. Not all women are like that….but a good portion of them have low self esteem. Want to potentially get to first base that night? Make yourself less available by talking to other women. Don’t be a dick about it, do it with style/class and a smile on your face so that she doesn’t think you are being an ass on purpose. Your goal is to make her think that she is going to lose you to another girl who is cuter than her (in her mind).  It’s kinda like playing a fish on the line….give it enough line and it will swim away.  Pull hard and tight on the line and it will most likely break.   You need to find the perfect balance so that she is thinking to herself:

“God, why does every guy I talk to always go for the girls who are cuter than I am?”

Throw in a few shots of vodka into her head….and you kind Sir, will be knee deep in the good stuff that night or at the very least get her phone number.

There are many “self help” websites out there that show you little tricks on how to pick up women. I’m going to skip over all of that stuff assuming that you either already know it (common sense) or aren’t buying into it. The little story that I just related is just one of many ways to “set the hook” and get the girl’s full undivided attention.

It’s 2am. The bar is closing and you are getting tired. If you are like most guys, the first words out of your mouth to that cute chick you have been talking to all night are probably somewhere along the lines of: “Hey, so why don’t we continue this conversation over at my place” or the ever-popular “Can I have your number”.

NO, NYET, NEIN, NAUGHT, NO !!

If you aren’t 100% certain that she will do what you ask….why set yourself up for failure?

For that entire 2-3 hours that you were talking to her, you should have been mentally and subconsciously laying the ground work for either

a. Taking her back to your place
b. Getting her phone number

If you find yourself talking to a girl you met at a bar for more than 30 minutes, you should have enough information about her to give her a reason to want to see you again. Did you have anything in common?

Save the whales?
Keen on Jesus?
Release the hounds?

There has to be at least some common ground you guys found during that conversation. Take said common ground and subtly use it to get her back to your place or her telephone number. I can think of a million reasons to ask a girl for her number.  You should have gotten her number prior to the night ending. That way the pressure is off and your aren’t (in a drunken stupor) trying to figure out how to get her back to your place after last call.

Good luck, fellas ! dcvt2yexs8

How to close the deal with a girl you just met is a post from: Online Dating Matches

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So since one of my favorite holidays is coming, I got to thinking about costumes. Every year, women everywhere start to workout a bit harder and eat a little less just so they can fit into their “sexy fill-in-the-blank” costume. And I got to thinking, which costumes are the sexiest. Now, mind you, there is a fine line between sexy and slutty. You want to show enough skin so that men are definitely drooling but not too much that someone offers you a hundred dollar bill to go with them into the backroom. So what are the best sexy Halloween costumes? Well, here is my list:

1. Sexy Little Red Riding Hood – What man could resist a little lost woman in a hot red outfit looking for her grandmother and turned on by wolves. No one. This is a surefire way to get men everywhere wishing they were lost in a forest with you and playing Mr. Sexy Wolf.

2. Sexy Alice in Wonderland - Oh, Alice. This is essence of what men think about when they think of pure and sweet and so sexy. They will want to hit the sheets with you just to see if you are like little Alice or more like a queen of hearts in the bedroom. This costume is sure to turn any man mad with delight!

3. Sexy Witch – It is Halloween after all. So what is Halloween without a sexy witch? It is like Christmas without Santa Claus. You are the star on Halloween night. Just don’t forget your broom to beat off any unwelcome guests.

4. Sexy Devil -Ah, the devil. Every reason a man wants to be bad. You can make a good boy turn to the dark side with this costume. It screams HOT-literally. You will be like a billboard that reads “Go on be, naughty.”

5. Sexy Cat Woman – The Black Leather Goddess. It conjures up great memories of Halle Berry that every man still has locked in his head. You get to be a badass with a whip and that, is purrrrrfect.

6. Sexy Cheerleader – This is a costume sure to please. What man hasn’t had a cheerleader fantasy? Come on. It has everything rolled up into one. The idea of sports, sex and a hot cheerleader. Include a cold beer and a man has definitely died and gone to heaven. Goooo Cheerleaders!!

7. Sexy Prep School Girl – Yes, the cute plaid skirt. School memories have sent men reeling for ages over the thought of this outfit. Then there are the wonderful memories of Britney hitting us one more time in it. You will move to the head of the class in this Halloween costume.

8. Sexy Little Bo Peep – Poor Little Bo Peep. She lost her sheep. Now what’s a girl to do? She needs to find a studly Sheep Farmer to go find them. And while he’s at it he will probably run into Sexy Little Miss Muffet. Where that goes from there is anyone’s guess…

9. Sexy Officer – No one likes to see the Law Enforcement come a knockin’ unless you are playing a sexy female cop in a very small costume. Then the guys will all beg to be handcuffed and put away by you. Make sure to read them their rights first and use force if necessary.

10. Sexy Nurse- Every man you meet will suddenly have a sore throat when you are doing your rounds. Watch out for their blood pressure when they see you in this costume. And for every good nurse out there, there is always some sexy doctor who is willing to give you a checkup, too.

If not listed, what’s your favorite sexy Halloween costume to wear at a party?

Top 10 Sexiest Halloween Costume Ideas for 2009 is a post from: Online Dating Matches

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Read the below paragraph. If it sounds like something you would do, it’s probably in your best interests to pay close attention to the rest of this short article.

Close your eyes and think back to the last time you were at a bar on a Friday or Saturday night with a group of your guy friends. After the first couple rounds of drinks and your buddies started mixing and mingling with the lovely females that surrounded you, did you notice yourself starting to glance around the bar (perhaps nervously) looking to make eye contact with a cute chick in the high hopes she would reciprocate? When you made said eye contact, did she wink slyly at you, make the “come here, you big stud” motion with her finger or did she glance away withoutsomuch as even a smile?

As the night drew on, did you find yourself standing (or sitting) in the corner of the bar by yourself….grasping the bottle of beer in your hand and nervously sipping it…to the point where you started to notice how much you were drinking?

When you finally got enough liquid courage inside you and figured “it’s now or never” and walked over to a girl….did you actually know what the hell you were talking about when you were trying to spit some game to her? Was the (nervous) laughter that was coming out of her and her friends mouths laughing with you, or AT you?

———————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Here is the secret on how to talk to women if you are nervous or shy:

Practice, practice, practice. You can search the interenets far and wide and will not come up with better advice. Practice makes perfect, young padowan.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Let’s analyze the above bar scene and see just what you did wrong that night:

1. You went out to a bar, knowing full well that you are shy/nervous and “not too good at talking to the ladies”. You set yourself up for failure the second you walked out your front door with even the slightest hope that you would meet a girl that night.

2. You let your buddies leave you at the bar (to go talk to the women) by yourself. Women can smell desperation a mile away and even if some chick was looking for a pity f#@% that night, the sight of you by yourself…..looking like a deer caught in the headlights was cause enough to make her rethink her original plans of going home alone back to someone named B.O.B.

3. As you struck out alone you decided to get even drunker to mask your nervousness….not fully realized that it exacerbated it by about 150%.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————–

To save yourself from future failure, I would advise you to do the following:

When you go out to bars with your buddies, take some time to relax and realize that you probably aren’t going to get a girls number that night. Once you have the “anything goes” mental attitude, the battle is halfway won. This relaxed mindstate allows you to be you, and if by chance a female does strike up a conversation with you, you won’t be as nervous as you would have if you were expecting it.

Going back to my original statement: Practice, practice, practice. Here are 3 easy ways to get practice in talking to women:

1. Goto local coffee shops and pick a seat and sit. Don’t bring your laptop, don’t bring a book. Just park your ass in a chair and sit. Force yourself to sit even if it feels uncomfortable. If you are lucky, a girl might sit down next to you, but I wouldn’t expect it. If someone does strike up a conversation with you, go with the flow. The point of this exercise is to force yourself to stay in situations that you might deem “uncomfortable” or “awkward” due to the fact that you are surrounded by strangers and have no idea who might come by to talk to you. It is critically important that you de-program the “wall flower” out of your subconscious prior to moving on to step #2.

2. After a week or two of the coffee shop (or any public place) you are probably a bit more relaxed now being in public in social situations. Good, but you’ve got a long way to go. Join an online dating site. I would advise Match.com or Yahoo Personals. The reason being is that both dating sites are more casual than some of the higher end online dating sites (like eHarmony). Create a profile, using clear pictureS (plural) of yourself. When it comes time to write the “about me” part, just be honest. Now, start browsing your ass off at the females on the personals site and send at least 50 emails. Do it canned style. We are going for quantity, not quality here. Chances are that at least 1 female will write you back. It is now your mission to get her phone number and start chatting your little ass off over the phone.

Do this repeatedly with as many women as you can, then set up a few dates. After a while you will start noticing your confidence building ….so much so….that you don’t even think twice when it comes time to talking to a girl you have never met before in public. It is just second nature.

I used to work for a very small company that showed guys how to overcome shyness in public and give them the tools and abilities they needed to talk to women in real life. I used the exact same methods/techniques in real life for my clients. For the entire 1 month program, we charged $1500.00. Every single guy (about 40 of them) that I worked with came out a confident, new man.

So pretty much I just gave you a $1500 crash course in how to talk to women if you are shy or nervous. For free. It will take you about a month (give or take) to develop the necessary skills to be good enough to stand on your own when it comes time to talking to women. Feel free to leave a comment or question below and I will respond within a few hours (give or take).

I don’t know what else to do/say to help you out…? Does shock treatment work best for you?

Have you considered dating men, perhaps?

How to Talk to Women if You are Shy and Nervous is a post from: Online Dating Matches

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1. 5 tips on how to talk to women (and not put your foot in your mouth)
2. Interview with a 40 year old Cougar: (Why younger guys should date older women)
3. Top 5 Reasons Women Aren’t Interested In You

What about those times when you get a girls number and call her and she never calls back? This type of situation has more to do with the short period of time you spent talking to her and getting her number. In other words, your game. These types of situations are much harder to figure out why she wasn’t interested (or gave you the same phone number that the last 3 girls gave you: 555-1212) because of the short period of time that you spent talking to her. I am going off the assumption that you are spending anywhere from 5 minutes to less than an hour in your conversation with this new girl.

The aim for this article is to take a look at the first impressions a female gets from a guy she just met and examine the reasons as to why she declined to continue communication further. There are thousands of situations in real life that you could encounter a female. For this article, I’m going to pretend you are in line at a local store….be it the video store, CVS, bank, wherever. You are standing in a semi long line and there is a cute female right in front of you. So cute, that you feel the need to talk to her in an attempt to get her number. A good portion of the men out there don’t have the balls to at least try to talk to a female in that situation, so consider yourself 2 steps ahead of the game if you have made the decision to give it a shot and talk to her:

1. Lack of physical attraction

This one is a no-brainer. Simply put, you really had nothing to say to her that caught (and held) her interest and your physical looks aren’t attractive enough to her in order for her to overlook the fact that you are yet another horny guy looking to score some tail. Best advice: Join a gym, brush your teeth, buy better clothes….do something that compliments your looks.

2. Cute as a puppy, dumb as a rock

On the other side of the token, we have guys that could probably put someone like Brad Pitt to shame in the looks department…..but they tend to lack the cranial capacity to carry on an intelligent conversation. Guys like this generally don’t have a hard time picking up women. Sooner or later they will encounter a girl that is superficial enough to overlook the fact that he considers “Hop on Pop” a literary classic.

3. Creepy looking pervert guy

When women are out in public, they tend to have their defenses turned on. Especially if they are attractive. They are so used to guys staring at them that they tend to ignore it with a thinly veiled sense of hostility. If you find yourself staring at a female while in line, and she notices you….and doesn’t smile….there’s a good chance that she has already judged you as some creepy guy. Best thing to do is not make eye contact (don’t even think of giving her body the once-over with your eyes) and treat her like you would treat any other female that you weren’t attracted to. That way when you do open your mouth to speak, you have a clean slate.

4. Desperate Dan

Guys that are desperate REEK of desperation whether they know it or not. Subconsciously they are so desperate that their actions mirror their thoughts without them realizing it at all. Women are highly sensitive creatures and can smell desperation a mile away. Believe me when I tell you, it is a total turnoff. If on the day you are in line about to talk to a girl….ask yourself “am I feeling desperate today?” If so, save yourself some heartbreak and look the other way.

5. Can’t close the deal

So you finally found the balls to approach a female out in public. You got her attention and the first words that come out of your mouth are: “Sooo, I see you like the Tampax brand of tampons.” (The song “Shot Down in Flames” by AC/DC is going through my head right now…)

You need to step up your game in these types of situations. “What in the hell can I say to break the ice with a cute girl who is in line in front of me at the local drugstore buying tampons?” Good question. I can’t give you a right or wrong answer. This all depends on who you are as a person. Let your personality do the talking and if it clicks, you got yourself a phone number. If I were a guy in the same exact situation, I would think twice about talking to girl in line at a drugstore buying tampons. She might be a bit embarrassed in the first place (because you are talking to her while she is holding a box of tampons). If you absolutely have to talk to her, try your best to ignore what she is holding in her hands and instead make a comment like:

“Man these cashiers are sure slow today” or something that effect. Observational humor is probably your only recourse in a situation like this.

There are many more reasons why she didn’t give you her number. Maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she isn’t into men…..maybe she just had a bad day and doesn’t want to deal with guys talking to her. My only advice to you guys is to play the numbers game and sooner or later you will meet the right female. Just don’t take it too personally when she gives you a dirty look and starts looking around for store security.

Top 5 Reasons Women Aren’t Interested In You is a post from: Online Dating Matches

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“These things happen”.

There really isn’t much you can do when meeting the parents for the first time of your significant other. Either they like you, or they don’t. First impressions are hard to shake off and even harder to change once someone has judged you in their mind. Keep in mind that they are only trying to figure out if you are the right person for their little Johnny or Susie and will most likely have you under the proverbial microscope the entire time. You can’t change who you are, so instead try to tread lightly when meeting your boyfriend or girlfriends parents for the first time. I have compiled a few suggestions that you should keep in mind when meeting the parents of your significant other. Just because the first “meet and greet” went off without a hitch, doesn’t mean you are off the hook. Depending on each person, it could take months for their parents to accept you (if they are really judgmental). Best thing to do is keep a smile on your face and try to avoid doing anyone of the following faux pauxs:

I’m only listing 5 items this time. Everything else would be a waste of your time in reading this article. I could go on and on about “how to dress”, “what to say”, “proper dinner manners” etc, but I’m sure you already have that down pat. My intentions for this article are to help you with a few curveballs that might be thrown your way:

1. Discussing politics.

This reminds me of the time when a friend of mine was invited out to dinner with the parents of his new girlfriend. Over the course of conversation, the topic of the troubled economy was brought up and he took a few swipes at former President Bush. In his mind, it was a “safe bet”, since everyone he knew hated Bush and thought he was the Anti-Christ. Well, it turned out that her parents were HUGE Bush supporters….and after a few (well meaning) verbal pot-shots, the dinner became very uncomfortable.

2. Foul language/thinly veiled racism.

Just because his/her Dad is the re-incarnation of Ralph Kramden, doesn’t mean you need to follow suit in order to impress him. Even one small off-color joke overheard by a distant relative at whatever function you are attending can come back to haunt you. People talk. Relatives gossip. Keep your “F-You’s” and “those damn….” to yourself at the dinner table and beyond. Even if you don’t have one biased belief in your entire body….just one relative (cousin/brother/sister) who happens to overhear something you say, can take it out of context and really screw you over. Save the cusswords and off-color jokes for your friends/bar.

3. I’m not a Lawyer, but I play one on the internet !

Whatever you do, do not lie in order to impress his/her dad or mom. This is not a job interview, you can’t get away with stretching the truth a little bit. These people will be involved in your life the entire time you are dating their son/daughter and people have really good memories. People aren’t stupid and can tell the difference between “being nervous” and “trying too hard to impress”. The former is forgivable and quite natural, the latter might lead them to believe you have some to hide.

4. When in doubt, shut your fat mouth.

Ever heard the saying “Give a man enough rope and he will hang himself” ? Same goes for meeting the parents of your new boyfriend or girlfriend. If by chance his/her dad served in Army as an interrogator and you find yourself getting the third degree, just go with the flow. If you don’t know the answer to a question they are asking you, just tell them that you “aren’t sure”. Tis better to be thought of as a fool, than to open your mouth and confirm it.

5. Sisters/brothers/cousins/aunts/uncles are all watching you….and making mental notes.

Just because her dad slapped you on the shoulder and called you “Son” in the first 10 minutes you meet him, doesn’t mean you are off the hook. If you are at a family function (especially one that is serving alcohol), keep in mind that the entire family is watching you. Even if they don’t act like it, trust me….your words and actions can come back to haunt you. Keep this in mind when you are talking to Uncle Tony and he starts telling you stories of “how much pot” he used to smoke back in college. Now is NOT the time to brag about the 10′ bong you and your buddies bought the other day. (a similar situation happened to me, although it didn’t involve pot. I met her Uncle at a family function and he started bragging about how many bar fights he got into “back in the day”. I related a few stories of my own in the spirit of the conversation. About a week later my girlfriend asked me “so how many fights have you been in”. Doh !)

Keep in mind that if her parents want to find out more information about you, they will. The first place they might start (in this day and age) is the internet. Ever “Googled yourself” ? Check and double-check your Myspace and Facebook pages and clean them up a bit. I have never heard of a parent hiring a private detective, but that doesn’t mean that their parents don’t have friends in high (or low) places that can get more information about you. I’m not just speaking to the potheads and Billy-Bad-Asses out there….ever go out on a night on the town with your girlfriends and a picture might have been taken of you kissing your girlfriends boobs? Gee, wonder where that picture is now? The point here is try to do some reputation management and get your ducks in a row prior to meeting your new boyfriend or girlfriends parents.

How to impress your new boyfriend/girlfriends parents is a post from: Online Dating Matches

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Ladies:

I recently emailed Karen and asked her to allow me to give you a few tips on how to tell if a guy is or isn’t into you. I decided to write this article because I have run into a bit of a challenge in my dating life:

I would meet a girl, go out on a date or two with her, then suddenly realize that I was not interested in dating her anymore. Being that I am a guy…it was kind of hard to tell her that “Hey look, it’s just not working out for me, you’re a swell gal and will make some lucky fellow very happy”. I would try to drop little hints here and there, and for most girls that would be enough. With other girls….I don’t think I could give them a clue even if I were to rub them down with horny-clue-musk, put them in a field full of horny clues in the middle of clue mating season.

So to save me an countless other guys out there the headache and heartache of having to spell it out in plain English for you….here are 10 signs that a guy just isn’t into you.

1. Missed Connection

Think back to the last guy you dated for more than a few weeks. Did you find yourself talking to him on the phone much? Send more than a few text messages back and forth during the daytime? How quickly were your attempts at getting a hold of him reciprocated? Chances are he answered your texts or phone calls within a few minutes of you calling or texting, or at least freely gave you a reason as to why it took him a while to get back to you. When I’m not into a girl, my cell phone mysteriously does not get text messages from her and her phone calls tend to go straight to voice mail. Emails? Whoopsie, that stupid spam folder is acting up again.

2. Busy as a Beaver

“Gee Susie, I would love to hang out with you and your drunken slutty friends at the local bar tonight…..but I have been meaning to re-arrange my sock drawer now for ages. My socks have invaded the homeland of my underwear and my cowboy hat (you know, the real small one with certain “size issues”) has decided that my socks harbor weapons of mass destruction and are about to invade the drawer up on top. As you can see it’s a real Wild Wild West scenario going on here…

What am I doing tomorrow night? Uhhh…Need to go help Grandma dust her living room.”

In all seriousness, whenever I’m fed up with a girl I just met, I suddenly become super busy. I think 2-3 moves ahead so if she calls me out on anything, I always have a logical explanation as to why I’m busy. I would assume most guys out there are like that as well.

3. Me, Me, Me.

Whenever I’m just not feeling a girl, I tend to mentally check out. Like quicker than leaving a Best Western motel that smells like stale hookers and dead cockroaches. When I’m mentally checked out of the conversation/relationship, my thoughts and actions naturally turn to the most important thing in life: Me.
If she starts talking to me, I subconsciously steer the topic of conversation towards me. I quit trying to learn more about her and instead use her as a crutch for all of my issues/problems. Can’t beat free psychiatry while downing a pint or two at the local bar.

4. How YOU doin’ ?

If we are out in public and you notice me checking out other females….you can think to yourself one of two things:

1. “He’s a no good dog of a man.”
2. “Hrmm….Let’s see here….he is out on a date with me, but he is checking out other women. By George, I think I’ve got it ! He’s not into me !”

Oh how I wish #2 was the answer that was chosen more often.

5. Why can’t we be friends! Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends ??!!! @*#*$!!!

You know who you remind me of? My sister. I think you two would get along juuuust great. You sure are a swell friend. Knock, knock. Who’s there? (in a whispered voice: “your best friend”).

7. My own private strip club.

True story: (names and dates have been changed to protect my neck and legs, of which I have grown fondly attached to. Honestly, I think she was partially related to the mob and the last thing I want is for her to read this, get pissed and put a hit out on me).

So I was dating this chick who grew up in Antarctica. I liked her as a friend, but was having a very hard time getting her to understand that “friends” is the level where it needed to stay. So we decided to go on a nature hike one day…she wore a low cut shirt and some short shorts that day and the entire time she was brushing up against me. Even though I’m a guy, and even though most guys like me are clueless…I think it was a safe bet that she was trying to come onto me. So as we are finishing up our hike on our way back to the car she made the following random comment:

“My bra that I just bought is making my boobs pop out of my shirt”.

to which I replied (without skipping a beat):

“Did you save the receipt?”

8. You love me? I blehblahblah you too…

You see, it’s not that I’m incapable of expressing my emotions as a guy, but rather I am incapable of expressing emotions towards a girl that I’m not into. I tend to keep an active emotional distance from women that I’m not into and if you so much as dip your pinky toe over that line….it creates for a somewhat awkward situation.

9. Any Port in a Storm.

I will admit it. I have sometimes just stayed with a girl longer than I wanted to because the sex was so great (or I was in a real dry spell). A good way to tell that if a guy isn’t into you is to look at how often he wants sex and what happens after the sex. If he only calls you at 3am on a Friday night, drunk off his ass….and then leaves 20 minutes later, chances are he just isn’t into you. If he continually steers the topic of conversation towards the wants and needs of his ding-a-ling, chances are he just isn’t into you for anything else other than sex. At this point, you have 1 of 2 options. Dump the jerk faster than a bad habit, or continue to fool yourself thinking that sex will make him love you. (it never does from a guys point of view).

10. Survivor Man.

When it comes to females that I’m just not into, I try my hardest to not let them know where I live. Meeting my friends and family? Fugghedaboutit. Simply put: Let’s keep an amicable distance between us because I do not want you in my personal life.

There you have it. 10 signs that you can use to determine whether or not a guy is into you. Guys are not complicated and usually your first instinct is the right instinct. Don’t fool yourself, or waste any time/money/emotions on the guy. Move on and be the better person….

Even if you manage to change the guys mind, it will most likely be only for a while and even then you are just setting yourself up for future heartbreak. Just remember that you cannot fit a square peg into a round hole. If it wasn’t meant to work, then it wasn’t meant to work.

10 Signs He’s Not That Into You is a post from: Online Dating Matches

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Over the course of any given month, I get about 40-50 emails from people asking me for dating advice. Lately I have been noticing a trend amongst the females in which they are not able to get guys to respond to their emails. For illustration purposes, I am going to use my friend Sally who came to me with the exact same problem last week.

Sally is a very attractive 26 year old. She has a good job and comes from a great family. She is funny and witty and the exact type of girl that any guy would dream of dating. With one exception…

In the past week and a half, she has emailed about 15 different guys and not one has responded to her request for communication. I took a look at her personality profile, then took a look at her emails and found the root cause of the problem. I asked her to write an email to one of her matches, but not send it.

She gave me her permission to cut and paste the email into this post:

“Hi John ! I just got back from Pilates class and I’m tired. Work was just out of hand today…Had 3 meetings and the second one caused me to be late for the third one. Oh well, I shouldn’t complain because for the past 4 years I have been working towards this promotion and I guess it comes with the territory. After work I had exactly 30 minutes to drop my car off at the dealership before Pilates class began. The girl at the rental car place was taking her sweet time and the printer was malfunctioning so by the time I got out of there I was already 15 minutes late to class.

I guess this is just one of those days for me !

Well, hope you had a great day and ttyl !”

- Sally

Ok, so what we have here on the surface is a seemingly innocuous looking email from Sally to a guy named John. In it, she describes her hectic day and how nobody/nothing was on time. That nice….if “John” was the brand name of a diary that she picked up at Staples instead of a live human being.

When John reads this email, what is he going to think/say? I would consider myself a master linguist and even I would have a hard time responding to that email. Sally gave John nothing to go off of. She basically treated him as if he was her personal diary. This is extremely impersonal and basically says to John:

“Hey, I’m the center of attention here and TMZ and the Paparazzi should be following me around with a t.v. crew and camera to document the most mundane events in my life.” See you at 6:30pm on Fox Channel 11 right after the Simpsons !!

This email is a clear red flag to John that she might be somewhat self absorbed (perhaps a bit shallow) and atrocious at interpersonal communication skills. I have known Sally for almost 10 years and she does not fit into one of those categories. Sally is relatively new to online dating and doesn’t realize that there is an unwritten code of conduct when it comes to writing emails. I pointed this out to her and she told me that she really couldn’t think of anything interesting to say….

Sally met John through eHarmony. I told her that it was inexcusable that she could not think of anything interesting to say to him. Had she been a member of one of the “lower end” online dating services, wherein all you have to go off of is a cheesy picture and a couple of paragraphs of “about me” then I could plausibly understand….but not with eHarmony.

In a nutshell, before you are given the option to freely communicate with your matches on eHarmony, you must first go through something called “guided communication” wherein you have to choose 4 questions to send to your match. eHarmony already gives you the questions (or you can ask your own) and all your match has to do is respond to those questions either in their own words or pre-answers that eHarmony lists.

So before you get to the point where you can freely communicate back and forth in the eHarmony system, you have already gotten to know quite a bit about the other person. There is a ton of information that you can use to compose a very well written, thoughtful email to your matches on eHarmony.

I told Sally that she should have gone back to those Q&A “guided communication” section and pulled a couple of good questions from his answers. She could have asked him to expand upon his love for dining and cooking. She could have asked him where he plans on traveling this year since he told her that he loves to travel internationally. In the end, I took a look at her guided communication with John and created a sample email that she SHOULD have sent him in the first place:

“Hey John ! Well, we finally made it to open communication ! So tell me a bit more about your love for cooking….what’s your favorite cooking style? Mine is Italian. I don’t cook as often as I like to due to my sometimes hectic work schedule, but when I do I love to make the same pasta dishes that my Grandmother brought here from the old country. Any plans on going out of the country this year? I just got back from Hawaii a few months ago (for work). I haven’t been outside the country but am starting to do some research on flights as I would love to go to Italy this summer.

Anyways, hope you had a great day and talk to you soon !”

- Sally

The above email was short and sweet, yet to the point. In it, there are many topics of discussion that John can “pull from” to reply back with a great response. Trust me, if a man is into you….and you send him an email that is similar to what I just wrote, he will have no problem composing a great reply.

That email did not give out any irrelevant information about Sally (that would raise a red flag in John’s mind). Sally instead greeted him, picked out two things to further expand upon (that they briefly spoke about via “guided communication”) and then said her goodbye. Sally did not come off as desperate, needy, clingy or gave off any sort of red flags that would send John packing for the hills. It did however give John much information to pull from when he writes his reply back to Sally.

Long emails are fine….just not for the first 3 or 4 times you communicate. Long winded emails are a very good indication of chemistry and attraction, but when you start throwing out irrelevant information from the get-go, you are only scaring people away.

How to write a GREAT online dating email on eHarmony is a post from: Online Dating Matches

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…we somehow wound up in my bedroom. We were both heavily intoxicated and we wound up having sex. It was honestly the best sex I have had since….I honestly cannot remember when. After a few months of seeing each other (including a 3 some with his 20 year old friend) it kind of fizzled out. It was at this point I had apparently made a name for myself and had several young men in their late teens/early 20’s that were wanting to date me.

ODM: I see….so what exactly was it about 18 and 19 year old guys that did it for you?

Debra: At first it was the excitement of it all….then after a while it was really more about convenience than anything else. Everything was light and breezy….no pressure, no having to stress about going out or dealing with “issues” that most single men my age have. I did not need a man to take care of me financially, so that really only left one particular area that needed to be serviced.

ODM: What did your friends think?

Debra: I hang out with a loosely knit group of 30-40 year old professional women. We used to think of ourselves as the “LA version” of Sex and the City. Having a 19 year old boytoy by my side was just like rocking the latest Prada handbag. It was the one fashion accessory that most women my age could not get because Father Time had not been as kind to them as he was to me. A few of my friends who had sons that were 18 and 19 years old did frown upon it a bit but I paid them no attention. “Jealousy” was the first word that crossed my mind whenever someone said something negative…

ODM: So after the initial excitement died down….when did you start taking interest in seriously dating younger men for a committed relationship?

Debra: I would say probably after the first year or so. I only dated 4 guys in that period of time, and all were brief flings. I was at one of the local bars down in Newport Beach with a group of girlfriends. There was this one young man, impeccably dressed….and he had this air of confidence to himself that is normally found in professional men in their 50’s and 60’s. He was the one who approached me and we spent the entire night together drinking and dancing. He asked for my phone number at the end of the night and I really didn’t give it any second thought. I was not expecting him to call me back. Sure enough a few days later my phone rings and he was asking me out to dinner. One thing led to another and in a few short weeks we were boyfriend girlfriend. During the entire course of that relationship, it became very clear to me that dating younger men was the only way to go. An older man could NOT possibly give me everything this 25 year old had to offer. Great body, hot looks, funny, charming, not jaded, no ex-wife/alimony/child support baggage…..Just a great human being that loved to go out and enjoy life. Isn’t that what we are all looking for?

ODM: Are you still dating him?

Debra: No, it ended after about 8 months for reasons that I would rather not get into. We are still very good friends and I care a lot about him.

ODM: Are you single now?

Debra: Yes.

ODM: Where do you go to find younger men? How do you go about approaching them without it turning into a potentially awkward moment?

Debra: Well, truth be told….there have been no awkward moments when it comes to picking up younger guys. If I’m out at a trendy bar or even at the supermarket I can tell right off the bat that they are into me. If I can compare men to books for a minute…..the “older” men in their 40’s and 50’s are kind of like an advanced Trigonometry math book. Hard as hell to understand their motives/intentions and even harder to force myself to like. Younger men in their late teens/early 20’s are kind of like a Dr. Seuss book. Fun, entertaining and by just looking at the cover of the book, you already know what it’s about. Hop on Pop; Green Eggs and Ham, Thank you Ma’am.

When a 20 year old guy is staring at you from across the way, it is a pretty forgone conclusion that he wants to talk to you. Most guys that age are typically shy and as such I find myself being the one having to initiate conversation and breaking the ice. These same guys have told me that it was so easy to talk to me and that they felt very comfortable from the minute I walked over there and started to chit-chat. They also have told me that it is not the same way when it comes to talking to women their own age.

ODM: Let’s talk about the “S” word for a minute….

Debra: (nervous laugh)

ODM: “Sugar Mommy”. Do you find that most younger guys expect you to pay their way and shower them with gifts and whatnot?

Debra: Honestly? No. Most guys that age are poor, broke college students and are somewhat shy about going out because they feel that they have to pay because they are the guy. I make it a point to let them know from the start that I realize that they are just starting out in life and I have no problem footing the bill most (read: all) of the time. They seem to like it. My last boyfriend was a sophomore in college and was working as a waiter making minimum wage and tips. I think that amounted to a little under $250 a week in take-home. I took him out one weekend to South Coast Plaza (an affluent mall located in Orange County, Ca. – Karen) and bought him $2500.00 worth of new clothes. About half of that was spent on dress clothes. I would also give him $500 a week in cash to spend on food/etc. Life is tough when you are in your early 20’s, going to school and working a crap job. I had the means to support him and I also cared very deeply for him….so why not?

ODM: Where there ever any indications that he was just using you for sex and money?

Debra: Never did that thought occur to me. You can pretty much tell within the first few dates if it is going to turn into a real relationship or just some fling. I’m over the “flings” and am looking for a real relationship.

ODM: Have you ever tried an online dating service?

Debra: I am currently a member of 2 online dating services. There seems to be one in particular that for whatever reason attracts younger men looking to date older women. With online dating, it is very easy to weed out the good ones from the bad ones and at the end of the night I’m not stuck with a $150 bar tab and a hangover the next morning.

ODM: So where do you see yourself in 5-10 years from now?

Debra: In a loving, committed relationship with a man 15-20 years my junior. I realize that society in general is becoming more liberal and accepting than it was 20 years ago. Although, there are still people out there who frown upon my choice of lifestyle. I realize this and as such try to keep my dating preferences a secret as much as I can. At the end of the day and when it is all said and done, all that matters is that you are spending the night with the person that makes you happy the most.

ODM: Do you have any thoughts for young men/older women who are looking to try dating each other?

Debra: Sure.

Younger men: If it is just a sexual fantasy to “hook up” with an older woman, and you have no further intentions in life than that, please let them know from the beginning. Even though we are a bit “older”, we still have feelings. If you are looking for a relationship, be honest and treat us with respect. We have a lot to offer you (more than most women your age) and you will soon come to find out just how rewarding it is to be dating a woman that is older than you.

Cougars: This is it ladies. We have finally come to a point in life where we don’t need a man our age to take care of us financially. We are tired of the b.s. that is sometimes associated with dating men our own age. Be proud of the fact that you are a liberated, strong female and empower yourself in your daily life. When you are dating younger men, realize that even though they are younger, they are still men. There are good apples and there are bad apples. Keep your eyes open, and feet on the ground and when you do finally find that special guy you will find yourself experiencing a richness in life in ways you never thought imaginable.

Interview with a Cougar Part 3 is a post from: Online Dating Matches

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In the past few weeks I have gotten more than a few
emails requesting that I post the entire interview. The interview
is quite long and thorough, so I have broken it up into 2 parts.
The first part (the part below) is an introduction. You will get
to know the “cougar” and her background story. The second
part picks up where the first part left off.

(I am using false names for the various people mentioned in this
story to protect their identity.)

ODM: Hello Debra, thank you for taking the
time to sit down and chat with me.

Debra: Hello Karen.

ODM: So let’s get right into it. Why don’t you
start off by telling our readers a little bit about yourself?

Debra: Well, I am a 47 years old and have been
divorced now for a little over 8 years. I have 2 teenage daughters
(18 and 19) and live in what I would consider a middle class
neighborhood. I received my M.B.A. from a local University,
although I put my career on hold to raise my family. I now sell real
estate here in Southern California.

ODM: Would you consider yourself a “successful
female”?

Debra: Lol, yes I guess you can say so. It took a
lot of hard work to get to where I am at right now in life and my
ex-husband was of little to no help. Once the divorce was final,
I set out to reclaim the life I had envisioned I would have, prior
to getting married.

ODM: So tell me a bit more about your dating
experiences after your divorce.

Debra: Like most females who find themselves
thrust back into the dating scene after a long marriage, I had
somewhat of a hard time meeting what I would consider “the right guy”.
I did the bar scene, went out on a few atrocious blind dates set up by
well meaning friends and none of those really panned out.

It was funny…the same type of guys that I dated prior to getting
married were just not doing it for me anymore. I got tired of hearing
the same old stories from guys my age….they either talked nonstop
about their divorce or their kids. Older guys also seemed to be a bit
jaded on dating as well as their schedules were unnecessarily complicated
with child custody time issues, ex wives and long hours at the office.

ODM: So is this when you decided to start dating
younger men?

Debra: I never really saw it as a conscious choice to
start dating younger men. The majority of the guys I dated after my
divorce were in their mid-to-late 40’s. I even went out with a few 60
year olds. It seemed as if each and every one of these guys were stuck
in a time warp. They pretty much listened to the same type of music,
dressed the same way and lived the same boring lifestyle. They seemed
to go on and on about their ex’s and their divorce, or I would have to sit
through an hour long presentation about their illustrious careers and how
great they were.

I was on a mission to find myself, to regain my individuality. This was not
going to be accomplished by sitting home on a Saturday night or going out
on yet another boring dinner date only to be taken back to his place and
have to “wait a few” before the Viagra starts kicking in.

ODM: Did the physical characteristics of “older”
men in their 40’s turn you off?

Debra: Honestly? Yes. A big fat beer belly and hair
where there should not be any hair just wasn’t doing it for me. Not to
mention most men over 40 tend to let themselves go physically. They
don’t take the time to work out like younger men do. After the divorce,
I found myself needing more physical contact from a man than ever before.

ODM: Tell me about your first experience with
dating a younger man.

Debra: You are going to change my name on here?

ODM: I will change it prior to publishing this interview.

Debra: About 2 years ago my 18 year old daughter
was planning on going to a party with some of her college friends.
The parents of the person having the party were out of town.
This would be the first party that she attended (to my knowledge)
in college. If the kids nowadays are anything like how we were
back in the 70’s….I knew there would be alcohol and quite possibly
drugs at the party. I suggested that she have a small get-together
at our house instead. That way I could at least cut out the drugs
part of the equation. I knew that the teenagers would find a way
to get drunk so I made the decision to allow alcohol at the party,
provided that everyone who was drinking would spend the night.
I know I am going to get some flak for allowing this…but I would rather have
the kids drinking at my place and sleeping it off on my couch than getting
into a car and driving drunk. This way, I could also monitor alcohol
consumption of the teenagers.

The night went off considerably well, no major incidents. There were
about 15 college students in total that showed up. I spent a good
portion of the night playing hostess and even joined the kids at the
table for a game of poker. I don’t quite remember the rest of the
details, but there was this 18 year old named Brian (name changed – Karen)
who was the life of the party. He was being a bit flirtatious with all the
girls (including myself) and I think I might have reciprocated here and
there. As the night drew on, one thing led to another and we somehow
wound up…

I have split this interview into 2 posts. The entire interview
is well over 2500 words and as such is kind of hard to read in one
long post. Click below to continue to the third and final part of
Interview with a Cougar.

Interview with a Cougar, Part 3

Interview with a Cougar Part 2 is a post from: Online Dating Matches

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The reason I am posting this is because it is currently
Saturday night and (yet again) I am sitting home. Alone.
No date on the horizon. Hopefully, this little list of
quotes about being single will find some other soul out
there on the internet who is sitting home alone. Some
of these quotes are from famous people, others are just
quotes that were passed along to me. Still others I made
up as I went along. You’d be surprised what a few glasses
of wine does for inspiration…

So before you get any further depressed….just realize
that you aren’t alone. MILLIONS of singles are sitting
home alone tonight. Maybe even your future soulmate
or next boyfriend or girlfriend will be reading this list
at the same time you are….?

1. “I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.” - Wendy Liebman

2. “Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” - Sex in the City

3. “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday
night.” - Woody Allen

4. “Being single isn’t bad. What is bad is giving up hope on finding
that someone special.” – Anonymous

5. “To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already
three parts dead.” – Bertrand Russell

6. “Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer
somewhere else.” - Mae West

7. “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” - Billy Crystal

8. “I’m too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don’t know.” - Garry Shandling

9. “Don’t cry for a man who’s left you, the next one may fall for your smile.”
- Mae West

10. “Live to love, not love to live.” - Anonymous

11. “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” – Aristotle

12. “Being single is not the end of the world. What is the end of the
world is when you stop trying to find your next boyfriend/girlfriend/soulmate.” - Anthony D.

13. “Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.” - Jim Bishop

14. “Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain.” - Mae West

15. “It takes half the amount of time you dated someone to get over them.” - Sex and the City

16. “Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can still stand.”
- Anonymous

17. “Love is two minds without a single thought.” - Phillip Barry

18. “I don’t like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone.” - Delta Burke

19. “I think, therefore I’m single.” - Liz Winston

20. “A woman needs a man like a fish needs bicycle”
- Anonymous

21. “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them.” - Sex in the City

22. “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

23. “He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.” - Lao Tzu

24. “A man needs a woman….well, a man needs a woman.” - Anonymous

25. “As a body everyone is single, as a soul never.” – Hermann Hesse

26. “I’m happily single.” - Paula Abdul

27. “About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.” - Judy Carter

28. “There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL.” – Lynn Lavner

29. “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.” - Sharon Stone

30. “Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” - Robin Williams

31. “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” - Rod Stewart

32. “Do you believe in computer dating?”
“Only if the computers really love each other.” - Groucho Marx

33. One good thing about Internet dating: you’re guaranteed to click with whomever you meet. - Anonymous

34. My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I’m going to tell her I’m dating two different guys : Mr. Duracell and Mr. Energizer. - Michelle Landry

35. “A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman already knows.”
- Monica Piper

36. “You aren’t the only one sitting home alone on a Saturday night. Wonder if
your future boyfriend/girlfriend is doing the same thing you are…” - Me

Quotes About Being Single is a post from: Online Dating Matches

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