I’m going off the assumption here that you have read my last
dating advice article entitled 10 types of women that men avoid.
Now it’s time to pick on the guys….
My intentions on writing this post are to give a clue to the
guys that consistently fail at attracting women, or at the
very best, fail to get a second date. There are many reasons
why a female won’t call you back after the first date. It could range
from she just wasn’t attracted to you, to the simple fact that she took
one look at you and decided she would be better off in life as full
The following 10 “types” are a compiled from a poll that I took of
over 50 women from all walks of life. I realize that women can be unfair
judgmental you-know-whats at times, as I too have been wrongly
accused of being one (or two or three) of the following types.
If you constantly fail at attracting and/or keeping a female in your
life, you need to take some time to figure out just how women view
you. More on that at the end of the article….
1. The world is my urinal cake.
This is the guy that is constantly (and literally) pissing on everything
he comes in contact with. He is the master of his domain and nothing
stands between him and what he wants. He is generally narcissistic,
rude to others, extremely competitive, and probably drives a Corvette.
His Caesar like attitude towards the world most likely stems from severe
penis envy…to the point where any man-made object over 3” is seen as
a direct threat. Women tend to run from guys like this because they know
at the end of the day, they will always play second fiddle to the image in
his bathroom mirror.
2. The Al Bundy
This is the guy that seems to be stuck in his high school glory days when
he scored 4 touchdowns in a single game….which is fine, but if you take
into consideration his next biggest accomplishment in life was to become
lead fry chef at McDonalds, probably not the best dating material.
The Al Bundies in life tend to still live in the same town they went to high
school in. They also tend to hang out with guys much younger than them
(by about 10 years). They usually seem to watch a ton of sports (shock)
and they seem to have a somewhat childish mentality. Al Bundies tend
to masturbate, a lot. (don’t laugh !! Don’t you know how hard it is
nowadays for a 30 year old man to pick up an 18 year old high
school girl ??). Al Bundies generally can be found in any local
sports bar, but for some strange reason their greatest concentration
can be found on any given weeknight at your local community college.
3. Pretty Boys
Pretty boys make Brad Pitt look like Brad Garrett. Their
hair is meticulously coiffed, eyebrows plucked, jeans way
too tight. Think of pretty boys as being one snip of the
scissors away from changing the “M” to an “F” on their
drivers license. No matter how good looking they guy is,
women tend to not want to date guys that make them
feel like they are the man in the relationship.
(unless they are into that sorta thing)
4. Pity Party Pete.
His dog just died. His boss made fun of him at work today.
The Steelers lost the SuperBowl. (what?)
There is always something wrong with poor ol’ Pete and
his girlfriend is the first that he runs to tell his problems to.
Most women want a MAN in their lives, not some sniveling
little, touchy-feely, emotional bitch. I personally don’t know
too many pretty boys in life, but I do know more than a
few guys who get emotionally clingy with girls that they
are dating. They are always telling their troubles and
problems to their girlfriends….to the point where she becomes
less of a girlfriend and more of a mommy.
5. Big Balla, Shot Calla
There is a time when skinny pencil necked white boys
are allowed to act like inner city gang bangers. This
time is called “High School”. Anyone that is not
living in the inner city and does not have an active
affiliation with a local street gang, please take
off the baggy pants, 25″ rims off your Honda Civic,
take out your gold toof and get back into reality.
There is a reason that gang bangers dress/walk/talk
they way they do. It is because they have a hard life
and are expressing themselves in their own unique
fashion. If you are not one of them, give it a break.
Nothing turns off women more than a 30 year old
grown man wearing size 50 baggy pants from the
local swapmeet yelling out “cuz” this and “fo’ sho'”
6. The George Bush
Thank God/Jesus/Hare Krishnah/Buddah/Flying Spaghetti Monster
that the loser is now out of office, yes?
Just like in real life, a “G.B.” is the guy
that is completely and utterly clueless as to just
how badly he screws things up. Crashes his car
after a night of drunk driving? Most normal males would
be a bit ashamed, even remorseful. Not dear ol’ Dubya.
He wakes up the next morning with a huge goofy grin
on his face and proceeds to play Super Mario Kart on the
Wii. Life is too short to care about anything or anyone
else than your own self. He just doesn’t give a shit,
why should you?
Hell, why not invade the local elementary school and
lay claim to their swings, sandbox and monkey bars ?? !!
I’m sure the G.B.’s in life could make a good case by claiming
that little 7 year old Timmy had stockpiled weapons of
mass destruction in the form of water balloons and
a carton of 2 week old rotten eggs.
(someone please have an attorney email me for legal
advice regarding the above posting….The past 8 years
have really raised some doubts in my head regarding my
freedoms as an American citizen and I am not quite sure
if I legally have the right to express my political opinions
in the form of satire anymore…)
8. You wanna get hiiiiigh, maaaaaaan?
(does Howdie-Doodie got wooden balls?)
In this day and age, you would probably be hard-pressed
to find someone who hasn’t puffed on a fat doobie at least
once (or twice) in their lives. I know there are many people out
there who haven’t “taken the pot” and if so, good for you.
You should probably go back to your elementary school teacher
who told you to “Just Say No” and ask for an award or something.
I am not condoning pot use, as I don’t smoke it myself, but I do
know of people that do on a semi-regular basis (read: every waking
breath). I can tell you from my second hand
(no pun intended) experience that these pothead have a
REALLY hard time at keeping a girlfriend. Most women have
dated a pot head once in their lives, and that was enough.
Most women see pot heads as lazy losers who …..well…..
just sit around and smoke pot all day.
9. Mr. complainer
This guy bitches moans and complains more than an 80
year old man with a hemorrhoid the size of a dinner plate
stuck up his ass. Nothing is right for this guy and no matter
what you do or say, he will always find something to
complain about. The thing about complainers is that they
are usually aware of their actions and try to hide them
from a potential date until they really get to know them.
A good way to find out of the guy you are dating is a
“complainer” is to simply look for the little clues…..
Some of the early warning signs of a complainer:
1. Road Rage when driving
2. Always seems to have a slight negative attitude
3. Is usually an “internet tough guy”. If you see a bunch
of computer geeks preparing a lynching party outside
your home, run fast. Internet tough guys generally
go hand-in-hand with Mr. Complainers. They usually
belong to many different chat board forums and are
always talking smack to other people, trying to make
themselves look tougher.
10. Inspector Gadget
This guy has every single electronic gadget known to man.
iPhone 3g this, High Definition that, his entire apartment
can double for a Best Buy showroom with the amount
of computers and cables strewn about. These types of
guys not only piss their money away on useless electronic
crap, but spend the majority of their time accumulating
even more electronic crap that they don’t need.
They somehow think that they will impress a girl with how
many pixels their new High Def. t.v. has, and tend to
get slightly butt-hurt when the girl indifferently nods
her head when he is explaining the advantages of
1080i vs. 720p resolution on a plasma t.v. screen.
Generally speaking, women find all of this stuff to be
completely boring and in reality, are just happy that
you have a roof over your head and that the t.v. you
are both about to sit down to watch a movie on is in
Technicolor. It is usually a pissing contest between
these types of guys to see who has the latest and
greatest electronic gear.
So how do we as guys figure out how females who
we just met tend to view us?
The exercise here is to actively seek out potential
negatives that females could plausibly come to a
conclusion about you and nip them in the butt
(the conclusions) before another girl makes a rash
decision about you and decides not to pursue a
Take the free
and then compare the results as to how you see yourself.
Might be in for a big shock…
The eHarmony personality profile was designed to give you
a clear picture of how other people view you. You answer
several multiple choice questions and based upon your
(honest) answers, they give you a multi-page report on
your personality. It can give you a great insight into
how other people view you and will only help you to further